All I want is you
by Grungestar
Summary: This story has grown and expanded over being a challenge fic, to being a bit more of a backstory and an extended version of Alexander the movie. COMPLETED
1. Default Chapter

Authors Note: This is a challenge, the original idea was spawned by a reviewer of my last fic. But I took the characters down a somewhat different journey. Hope its still all right. 

This is set when Alexander is 17. His father is abusive and mistreats Alexander terribly. He fights back and shows resistance to one of his fathers' actions, to which he pays consequence. This leads to the part in the movie where Alexander's father is killed.

King Philip sat across from his son. As his guests, Alexander and himself all dined on a massive dinner. It was the night before King Philips' big presentation, his speech that would talk of his conquest to Persia, how he would be the ruler of foreign lands. It was a big time in all their lives, and he was happy to share his plans and details. As the party moved on however, he grew to dislike Alexander's behaviour. Alexander was always so jovial, so cocky. He eyed him briefly, before standing, a goblet clutched in his hand, a lesson hatched in his mind for his son, a lesson of life.

"Alexander, come" he said surly, "ALEXANDER!" He yelled at him, Alexander looked at him, stumbling forward, his eyes raised slowly to look at his father's one blue eye.

"Not tonight, father. I think you should sleep off your drunken state" Alexander snapped, as his father staggered over, leaning down, grabbing Alexander's hand and yanking him forward.

"I think that it is time to learn what it means to be a real man" King Philip roared, and the others cheered. All men, no women present. All aging, sweaty, dirty men were look at Alexander with keen interest, as his fathers' giant hands smothered Alexander. Alexander tried to pull away but his father's grip was powerful, overbearing. His shoulders slumped forward, and he prepared for the worst. The other men all laughed as his father groped him, held his robes up so the men could ogle all whistling and slapping the table, like a pack of animals.

Alexander wrestled himself away from him, trying not to cry. His father was laughing, they were all laughing.

"Cry baby, cry" His father laughed, Alexander tried to fight his anger but like everything in Alexanders young mind it was far too powerful to resist it.

"Now I know my mother's reasons" he muttered, and turned away as his father put his arm around him, pretending to talk to him as other Macedonians walked passed. He then, licked the side of his young son's face, a saliva trail sliding down his cheek, as Philip pushed him to the ground.

Alexander fell hard and it hurt. He bit his lip to stop the pain, but it wasn't working. Philip stood over him, glaring down his face twisted into an evil grin.

"Why are you treating me like this?" Alexander asked him, knowing too well how his fathers mind worked. He only had to look at his mother for that knowledge. The way she lurked in shadows, kept snakes venom in jars under her bed. He knew what she was planning, _a matter of time_ she said, and then her mind would wander and her mouth would walk with it. Sometimes Alexander thought his mother to be crazy, but that madness in his life was standing above him, still thinking of an answer.

"I want an heir I can be proud of, one that accepts his duties as my son" he grunted, "to fear a mans touch is an awful trait to have in a future King, what if your body was what saved you from being killed? What would you do then?"

Alexander's eyes widened slightly, as he glared at his father, "Why, father. Did this happen to you?" Alexander whispered, the other men snorted and gasped, the rage in his father's eye seemed to grow, but he remained still above him.

"I choose not to speak of it" he said softly, his eye gleaming with hatred.

"Yet you choose to inflict the same torture on others, as you suffered yourself?" Alexander questioned him, standing up.

"Don't talk down to me Alexander" Philip threatened, "Only I am allowed to do that"

"Such a childish response from a childish man" Alexander couldn't stop the words from pouring out of him. Long he suffered, since his 15 birthday he had endured excruciating pain, nightmares and terrible cold sweats. All though he knew it was part of the tradition of his homeland; it was one that Alexander was least comfortable with, especially when it was his father who did most of it to him.

His father seemed to be taking it well, laugh it off with the others. But as the numbers dwindled, and all that remained were his father's servants, Alexander began to feel scared.

"I'm going to go and talk to mother" he told Philip, standing up.

"Sit down" Philip commanded him, Alexander did so.

"What do you think you were doing tonight?" Philip snarled, Alexander started to feel sick in the pit of his stomach.

"I was defending myself… I am sick of your games with me, father" Alexander immediately started protesting; as he watched the guards stand at the door.

"You don't have that right. That right is wavered, you are my son. You know the happenings of this kingdom, of our duties as men to each other. How _dare_ you refuse your father?"

"How dare you abuse your son" Alexander sneered, "I thought you wanted me to make my own choices?"

"Your duty isn't a choice, Alexander" Philip sighed, running his rugged hands through his hair, "I'm tired of explanations"

"I am deserving of such" Alexander cried, "Why say that I have choice when your anatomy commands you otherwise"

Philip grew angrier,

"Enough, Alexander' Philip put his hand up, "Enough or I will force you be silent"

" I am part of that pact all ready" Alexander muttered, as Philip, who was now standing ever so close to him raised his fist, it trembled at first before it flew, fast and hard to the side of Alexander's face. Alexander was knocked off the chair, and the guards ran over to hold him down.

"No, let him go" Phillip waved his hands, and the guards left Alexander.

"I want him to fight me" Philip looked at Alexander, who was rubbing the side of his face.

"I won't fight you" Alexander hesitated, "I see no point"

"If you don't fight me, you are cowardly" his father sneered, "If you don't I will have Hephaistion removed. Since you no longer appreciate a man's company there is little point keeping that boy alive"

Alexander's eyes grew fearful, as Philip laughed cruelly.

"Oh, I see. It is right when it's between you and him. Not when you are asked by your father"

Alexander put his fists up his heart racing a million miles a second.

"You can try and strike me first, Alexander" His father was coaxing him, Alexander was trying to control his nervousness,

"Come Alexander, don't hold back" his father, to Alexander seemed a little to encouraging for someone who a few moments ago, wanted to throw Alexander to the lions.

Alexander stepped forward and threw a punch in his fathers' direction, it missed of course, but like anything his father had done in his life, his fathers didn't, and it snapped him right across the other side of Alexander's face.

"AGGHGH!" Alexander roared, clutching his throbbing face with both of his hands.

"That's nothing" His father mocked him, "Wait til you get a skewer in the eye"

Alexander sneered and lunged forward again trying to grab his fathers neck, but missed again, his father tripping him. There, Alexander lay sprawled on his back. Philips mind was racing; he hadn't had a fight like this in quite a while. His whole body shook with excitement has he raised his fist to his son's face, breaking Alexanders nose.

Alexander screamed in pain and begged for mercy, but his father wasn't seeing Alexander anymore. He was seeing something else. Something far wicked. His own father. _Damn you! DAMN YOU!_ Philip's subconscious was roaring at him, as his fists kept pummelling Alexander, shattering the bones in Alexander's cheeks, blackening his eyes.

Soon, Alexander became quiet. There were no more voices in Philips head. His hands were smeared with blood; his one eye that was once clouded in delusion was faced with the reality of what he had just done to his 17 year old son.

"Alexander?" Philip looked down, barely recognised the battered face that lay before him. Olympius came running into the room, pushing past the guards who had tried to hold her back, tears streaming down her face.

"YOU MONSTER" she screamed at him, "WHY! WHY!" she was scratching and biting the guards to let her through, but they wouldn't move.

"He needed to learn" was all Philip could mutter, as he dismissed the guards holding his screaming wife.

"Alexander" Olympius nudged him, Alexander didn't open his eyes.

"Please Alexander" she sobbed, she kissed his bloody forehead, lifting her face, the taste of his blood on her lips. She started screaming and wailing until she drew attention to the bloody body in front of her, one of those that heard her was none other than Hephaisition, Alexander's young lover.

"What's this?" Hephaistion asked, his blue eyes glazed over by fear and worry.

"Philip, Philip told him he'd kill you" Olympius was crying through our bouts of anger, as she tore parts of her garment to wipe Alexander's wounds.

"Why would he say that?" Hephaisition hissed, "he doesn't even know me"

"Don't presume things that Philip does or does not know" Olympius warned, "Come we must put Alexander in bed before Philip returns"

-


	2. Part 2

Alexander awoke in his bedroom. His eyes were puffy and swollen, his nose was clogged up with a wooden cast surrounding the broken structure, cuts and bruises completely covered his face. He wanted to scream, the pain was so blinding but he lay still, not moving an inch. Fearful, fearing his father would come and call him a baby, fearing he wouldn't be able to stop himself again from the fate of his fathers' fists.

He looked to his bedside, and there was Hephaistion. Alexander couldn't breathe for a moment. He didn't want Hephaistion there, seeing him so weak and fragile. Hephaistion knew all of Alexander's weaknesses, and some of his strengths. As his head pounded and his eyes snapped in and out of blurry vision, he tried to sleep but the pain was too great. He convulsed, sitting up, as Hephaistion felt his jerk, and he jolted awake and held Alexander's hand.

"Alexander, you're awake" Hephaistion smiled, Alexander could not. He didn't say anything; his eyes were locked firmly on the roof.

"I'm sorry for your fathers beating" Hephaistion sighed, stroking his hand, "you didn't have to protect me"

"_I didn't do it for you_" Alexander thought bitterly, but he didn't speak.

"All will be better when your father leaves for Persia, perhaps his mood will be better in time"

"_I couldn't care less about him"_ Alexander coughed, turning over.

"Alexander, talk to me" Hephaistion asked him, concerned Alexander was ignoring him.

"Nothing to say, you can go" Alexander said shortly. Hephaistion, feeling a bit shell shocked by the news, nodded and stood up,

"Again I'm"

"Sorry? Everybody is…" Alexander replied gruffly, it was then Hephaistion knew it wasn't about him; it was about Alexander's shaming in front of everyone, and his father.

"I'll wait outside" Hephaistion said, turning around.

"Wait forever" Alexander mumbled, just as Hephaistion closed the door.

-


	3. Part 3

It had been three days and Alexander would see no-one. His face was looking worse, more swelling had occurred around his nose, making it harder for him to breathe. His eyes were swollen and black, and when he tried to stand he was blinded by the pain in his head and would fall to the ground. He wouldn't let anyone know these things. He had banned Hephaistion from seeing him; he had banned anyone from coming near him. Servants would offer to bring him food, but he would yell and scream at them to leave him be.

Philip walked the halls outside of Alexander's barricaded door. "Alexander, don't be a child" he scorned, banging on his door. Olympius would come and tell Alexander it was time show the world what a brute his father was, but Alexander cowered, hiding away in his bed.

"Alexander, please" his mother came to his door, her hand resting on the carved wooden panels.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!" Alexander shouted, pulling his all ready aching muscles more. His mother went to unlatch his door, but he put he clambered out of his bed, he stood against the door frame, one hand on the door the other resting on his head. Every time he blinked, he was blind. The visions were blurry, the colours in his room all melted into each other, he was standing, but he was very weak.

"Alexander it's not your fault!" his mother tried to comfort him, "He's a brute! Have courage!"

"I do not want your sympathy, mother!" Alexander cried back, trying to hold in his tears. He took a breath, and like being stabbed with a thousand knives he cried in pain, allowing himself to fall to the floor, yet still, his body remained pressed up against the door. His distorted vision made him sick to his stomach, closing his eyes to stop the whirling sensation, nothing worked. All he could hear was his mothers persistence to let her in.

"Why torture yourself for your fathers actions?" she asked him, "Come, Alexander. Have faith in Dionysius!"

"Oh mother not more tales of gods I can't stand it!" Alexander wailed, banging his head against the door as if this would rectify his near blindness.

"Alexander, if you don't open this door, I will get it removed. You cannot continue hiding from the world… what about Hephaistion?"

"I don't want him to see me like this, okay?" he said, knowing all to well he wanted Hephaistion, but the thought of a man's touch, even Hephaistion's revolted him.

"Alexander, he cares for you. He's worried, like I am. You haven't eaten, it sounds like you haven't slept. Your cries of pain break my heart, why won't you let me in to help you?" His mother cooed.

" I want no touch nor kind words" Alexander bitterly remarked, his tears now frozen droplets on his face, " I see no reason to leave my chamber"

"Then allow you wretched body some nourishment, let the servants in too feed you" his mother begged, to Alexander in his normal state of mind it was a reasonable request, but to the battered and bruised, it was a mere trick to lure him out for another beating. His heart raced a mile a minute, he felt as though he was going to explode into a billion pieces. He wiped a clammy hand down his face, his hands shook with fear.

"Alexander, _please"_ his mother was frantic, "Don't make me force you, I couldn't bare it"

"I don't want to die!" Alexander screamed. Suddenly the halls became silent. His mother leaned against the door, softly weeping for her son's broken frame of mind.

"Alexander, these things pass" she told him, "You will learn to accept it, it is part of our duties…. Do you really think I like making love with your father?"

"Its 'nice to know that my parents relationship is a healthy one" Alexander said sarcastically, knowing all to well the relationship between Alexanders 'mother and father was bittersweet. Just like his young existence. "Perhaps if you pleasured him more, he wouldn't take his anger out on me"

It was wrong, Alexander knew this. Olympius however didn't see it that way

"You know too well Alexander how your father's mind works. I cannot protect you, anymore than I can protect myself. You must learn to deal with the pains as well as the happiness of our lives"

"I know you cannot protect me" Alexander hissed, "I do wish you would try"

He waited for her to leave; he knew his final words would sting her. She always cared for him, but being a woman she was weak against the tyrannical power of his father.

-


	4. Part 4

Warning: this chapter does involve a sex scene, though not highly descriptive or explicit it is still slash. So if you read it you have been warned.

Olympius didn't sleep well knowing her son was in pain. She hadn't slept in days, nearly as long as Alexander had stopped seeing the outside world. His young mind was broken by his fathers lust for sexual fulfilment, a role in which she, even though never wanting the same for her son, was rejoicing in being freed from for the time being.

She walked the corridor past Alexander's room. As much as she wanted to take down his door, she knew that Alexander wouldn't respond well, so she would have to leave him and wait. Wait for Alexander's once prominent reasoning skills to present themselves once again.

Hephaistion on the other hand wasn't so patient. He had made himself sick because of Alexander's suffering. His face was pale, his eyes were sunken. Such a beautiful face, wrecked by emotional distraught. That night, when Olympius had finally stopped walking up and down the corridor, he went to Alexander's room. With one big push he broke the hinges off the door, and it fell to floor with a loud bang.

Alerted by this, the guards came over, Hephaistion hid just inside the entrance of Alexander's room. They looked in, and fearing the worst Hephaistion held his breath. Not seeing Hephaistion however the two guards resumed their positions, as Hephaistion crept to Alexander's bed, being the first to witness the extent of Alexander's mortal and mental state.

Alexander was awake, his once tamed golden locks sticking out in all directions, his eyes were blacker than the night sky, his cheeks were swollen and bruised significantly. His jaw looked out of place, his nose was by far the worse effected of his casualties, it seemed to pulse with pain.

Hephaistion extended his hand to Alexander, not knowing if what he was seeing was a mirage of his former friend. Alexander snapped it, and clutched his hand so tightly before snapping Hephaistions hand back, twisting is fingers in the opposite direction. Hephaistion howled with pain, and dropped to his knees.

"My Alexander, it is me" Hephaistion said, wincing with pain.

Alexander didn't answer; his blackened eyes stared at him. He was a fright, he looked almost ghoulish.

From Alexander's point of view he couldn't see anything; he just felt the wind pass his face as Hephaistions hand went to take his own.

"You won't touch me, you understand?" Alexander muttered, Hephaistion nodded sorrowfully.

"How can you put up with so much pain?" Hephaistion asked tentatively, flexing his hand til his bones snapped back into place.

"Pain? Oh yes, it does come quite often. I learn to suppress it however" Alexander said coolly, Hephaistion's concern rapidly grew, as he began to twitch beside Alexander's bed.

"Come, Alexander. Shower, dress and have some food" Hephaistion pulled at his hand, but Alexander pulled away.

"What, so you can take advantage of me while I am in the shower?" Alexander sneered, " I think not"

" It isn't what I plan at all" Hephaistion said, " I am sick with worry. You're actions are scaring me"

"Then perhaps you shouldn't come into my room uninvited. Just how did you get in?"

"You have no door Alexander" Hephaistion said softly he paused a beat for saying softly, "I removed it"

Alexander's eyes froze on him for a moment, his mouth opened slightly,

"You removed my door?" he asked him, Hephaistion nodded.

" Why did you remove my door?" Alexander asked, his eyes were cold and dark.

"You cannot hide from the world forever, Alexander. The world misses you. I miss you"

"You have no right to remove my door!" Alexander wasn't listening to reason, his hands gripped both sides of Hephaistions face, and Hephaistion could feel the strength that Alexander possessed. His knuckles whitened, as Hephaistion could feel the pressure in his head. He sat there, allowing him to do this. Allowing Alexander to abuse him, the way he had been abused.

Alexander's hands started to shake, then his whole body shook as Hephaistion's eyes were filling up with tears. Alexander then saw what he hadn't seen in a long time. Pain on someone else's face. His eyes widened as his throat echoed a gutted pain. He immediately dropped his hands and hung his head.

Hephaistion took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes for a moment. He opened them just as Alexander had started to breath heavily, he looked frightened and confused. Like a scared prey. Hephaistion cooed him with his gentle hands, to which now Alexander allowed him to hold.

"I am so weak" Alexander admitted, as Hephaistion let Alexander rest his head in his lap.

"We have all been through it before, Alexander. I have many times" Hephaistion said, Alexander looked up at him,

" To force someone to loving another is wrong…" Alexander said, there was innocence to Alexander that Hephaistion admired so deeply.

"It's what I must do to get by in this world" Hephaistion said, " I wouldn't trade loving you for the world, though Alexander"

"My father sent you to me for my 15th birthday, I didn't…."

"There is no need to apologise" Hephaistion smiled, as his lips drew closer to Alexander's, "I enjoy making love to such a fine young man"

Alexander started crying as Hephaistion gently kissed him. Alexander closed his eyes as Hephaistion's hands stroked the side of his bruised and battered face. Hephaistion stopped and sat still for a moment, Alexander for the first time, smiled.

"You always do that at the right time" he breathed, and Hephaistion laughed.

" Can you promise love to someone forever, Hephaistion? Can you make the kind of promise?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion nodded,

" I can promise it only to you, because you are the world Alexander"

Alexander's eyes wandered over his face, his dirty hands played Hephaistions brown tangly locks,

"It was the only thing my father has ever done for me, and that was bring you"

Hephaistion blushed; Alexander giggled and let Hephaistion climb up onto his bed, resting beside him.

"How will I face the morning, Hephaistion? My father scares me" Alexander said softly, his voice shaky. Hephaistion stroked his hand, "I will be there, and I won't leave your side"

Alexander looked at him; his eyes were loving and soft for the first time in ages. His boy like face, though badly bruised and battered showed remanence of his self, and in his eyes lay the passion and spirit Hephaistion loved more than anything.

Alexander leaned forward and kissed Hephaistion. The kiss was deep and passionate, their eyes locked briefly on each other, before Alexander removed Hephaistion's robes. They were tossed aside, as his hands explored freely down his torso, across his shoulders. Alexander bit Hephaistion's lip, pulling him closer.

Alexander laid Hephaistion down against the bed, and trailed salivary kisses up his middle, before nibbling his earlobes. Hephaistion cried out in pleasure as Alexander fondled him, still while kissing the base of his collarbone.

Entwined in each other, Hephaistion obligingly turned over. Alexander ran his hands down Hephaistion's beautiful tanned skin, kissing each and every back bone before entering. Hephaistion mumbled words of pleasure as Alexander began thrusting, the sweat dribbled off his face and dripped onto Hephaistions skin.

Alexander was breathing heavily, as Hephaistion clung to the bed sheets for support. Alexander exited, falling backwards onto the pillows, as Hephaistion tried to regain the breath he had been holding.

" You love like no other, Alexander" Hephaistion muttered, looking at his lover, his mouth was slightly parted, his eyes were still wide open, beads of sweat dribbled down his brow.

"You take my love willingly" Alexander commented, smiling through his jagged breaths.

Hephaistion crawled towards him; sweat still exhumed most of his body, as he put his head on Alexanders shoulder. Alexander pulled him up against him, and there they sat. It was quiet, but their hearts raced, the heat from their bodies melted against each other, as they both slowly drifted into peaceful slumber, ignoring fully the morning that would come.

-


	5. Part 5

The sun rose over the beautiful palace to which both boys were lying. Alexander kissed the top of Hephaistion's head, before standing up. He walked over to where his bedroom door would usually stand and sighed. He was expecting his mother any time shortly to discuss why his father was so cruel, why she couldn't stop him, why Alexander had to prove them all wrong. Alexander knew however why his father was so brutal. His father had always told Alexander that men are forced to make decisions in their lives, regardless if they want too. He just wished, as the shadows started to creep up the hallway, what decisions Alexander could make alone.

"Alexander" Olympius said with shock, running over to him. He looked at her briefly for retracting his glance.

"Oh my beautiful boy… look what he did to you" Olympius eyes were sparkling with tears as she hugged Alexander, Alexander returned her embrace lightly.

"You still haven't forgiven me yet, Alexander?" she asked him, her eyes drifted over his face again, he could feel his swollen cheeks reddening, it was embarrassing, being nearly a man and having a mother suddenly smother you in affection.

"There's nothing to forgive" he said hastily, hoping that this would be enough.

"I see your door is broken down, have a bad night?" she asked him accusingly,

"I didn't break my own door" Alexander hotly replied, "I have a visitor with me…" he turned slightly to look at Hephaistion who was still sleeping.

His mother tried to look but he turned around and blocked her view.

" Please mother don't be invasive" he protested, but she insisted. Her eyes saw him, the tanned naked boy, with his brown locks strangling around his face, his bare bottom glistening in the morning light.

" Oh my…" she began, but Alexander grabbed her arm and pulled her away from the door. He pushed her up against the wall, glaring at her. Looking her up and down like she was a threat.

" Alexander… I"

"You will not speak a word of this, you understand?" his eyes were menacing, Olympius tried to look away but he held her gaze.

"Alexander you're so foolish. What would Philip do if he saw him in your chambers!"

"That is my concern and mine alone" Alexander hissed, "I have spent too long afraid. Your timing is late, you are risking my life every time you leave" he paused briefly, "I _defend_ you mother, and I don't know what I do it for sometimes"

Olympius slapped Alexander then; he retracted a little, tears immediately springing to his face.

" I am your mother Alexander, you will not treat me like you treat a slave!" she looked at Hephaistion, Alexander's swollen jaw dropped slightly,

" He's far from a slave. You're the slave! Staying here, making me stay here! Do you know what he did to me! Do you know how many of his council men have seen my naked flesh! Do you _know_ this suffer, this torment … this wretched feeling" he slapped his chest hard, almost barbarian like, his deep brown eyes filled with rage and frustration.

"Oh Alexander…" she cooed, but he battered her hands away.

"No, No more of _that_" he hissed, "What use is your hands on me, mother? You don't care! You don't worry!"

"Alexander stay calm!" she insisted, but he grabbed the vase beside them on the small coffee table and threw it against the wall.

' Do you see how much this breaks me apart?" Alexander cried, Olympius drew him closer with the touch of her hand for a moment,

"Why? Why do you lie to me? Why do you _both_ continue to lie?" he rebutted, batting her hands away.

"You have such strength, Alexander" she sighed, "You are a true beauty… a true marvel"

" I don't want to hear it any longer!" he walked into his chambers, " I love my father, but he is wronged me" he outstretched his hands to Olympius' face, gripping the skin of her cheek, " I love you… I love you like sun" he wailed, "but can't you see mother that I am no longer a boy… Hephaistion is my companion, he is my friend"

"He will soon be gone if Philip sees this" Olympius warned, "If you care enough about him you will tell him to leave"

Alexander smiled despairingly, "If I asked you to leave, would you?"

Olympius stared at him blankly, "You are putting your life in danger, Alexander. When will you learn? _It isn't time"_ she hissed, like one of charmed snakes, Alexander sighed,

"There is a meeting downstairs. All the great men, your fathers men, they are discussing Philips wedding. They think you are weak, Alexander. You're going to Philip ruin your pride? You have such great strength… use it, use it and defeat him" she smiled, "Go to them tonight Alexander, Go and tell them"

" I have told you before my feelings for Hephaistion will never change. What use it to go to them? What use it to pretend I have an interest in foreign affairs? My life exists as Alexander in Macedon. I shouldn't have to sell up my soul…"

"You're a born leader Alexander. You are meant to rule. If you go and celebrate with them they will see you're not weak as they expect. Then you will see beyond your vision the true deception of your fathers _friends"_ her eyes gleamed, " He has not many in this world. It is your chance to use this"

Alexander stared in awe at his mother,

" You want me to plan my fathers murder?"

"No" Olympius smiled, " I just want you to show them what a fine man you've become"

Alexander almost choked,

'You can't be serious? Now that I have been molested by my father, I am worthy of a title befitting a King?"

his mother laughed then, " You were worthy of this role long before Philip saw it"

Alexander just stared at her, overcome by numbness and also relief. He could dine with them, He could shove it in their faces. Why he had all ready the chosen the person he wanted to be with, so what use was it to hide from the world any longer?

" Go, get dressed, eat" she insisted, " Then go downstairs and enjoy the party…. You have been away for too long"

Alexander nodded and watched his mother glide down the hallway. Yet again, for another time in Alexander's life was his mothers' action the reasons for his decisions. It was also the growing lust for power and acceptance that drove Alexander to that party, which would lead to the cataclysmic events yet to come.


	6. Part 6

Authors note: in answer to the question raised by a reviewer, my Alex and Heph are always the same cause that's how I see Alex and Heph personally. Colin Farrell inspired my Alex in many ways. He was utterly beautiful.

Also just to point out what a bastard Philip is, I made him have another wife during Alexanders 17-19 year old stage.

Alexander dressed in red with gold trimming, laced down the floor. His blonde locks were let loose and curled around his ears; he stared at himself in the mirror as Hephaistion came over to him, putting his arm around his shoulders.

"Your eyes… they sparkle with all those jewels" he smiled, kissing Alexander's neck.

"Hephaistion please, I am not so good at controlling my urges" Alexander admitted, Hephaistion laughed.

"Never one for losing, never one for containing ones excitement" Hephaistion played with a big golden ringlet at the base of Alexander's neck,

"Don't make me want you even more" Alexander mumbled, trying to fix his necklace.

Hephaistion recoiled a little, "Why not? You're not going to that party… are you?"

Alexander looked at Hephaistion for a moment, before glancing back at the mirror,

"My mother was right. I cannot hide in my bedroom…" he sighed, Hephaistion looked devastated but of course he would never say anything. He just nodded in agreement.

"I know, we could hide away all day Hephaistion, but… to let my father see my weakness only proves him right"

"I know Alexander; I just fear that he will harm you again"

"Maybe, but it's a risk I have to take" Hephaistion could tell Alexander was scared, he put his hand to his, Alexander's fingers entwined Hephaistions,

"If I am ever mad with you…. Know that it isn't you" Alexander told Hephaistion, the adoration in his eyes for his companion was undeniable.

"I know, Alexander" Hephaistion smiled, "It is okay…"

Alexander nodded and let go of Hephaistions hand. Like so many other times in Hephaistions life he was watching Alexander walk away, walking away and becoming a man.

Hephaistion watched Alexander go and sit in the middle of his fathers friends. Cleitus a very close friend to Philip watched Alexander for quite a while. They all started chatting away, ignoring the fact that the young prince's face was mangled, Hephaistion waited in the corner of the room, silently perusing the festivities.

It was just an announcement, not a party. Philip knew he couldn't marry her until she was pregnant, than the marriage would be valid, another heir to the throne, a replacement for his bastard Alexander, born out of wedlock, a mistake.

"Nice of you all to come" Philip smiled at the crowd, who were so drunk that they applauded everything. "It's wonderful you all came out to support your king"

The men roared, Alexander didn't do the same. His father's eyes washed over Alexander as if he wasn't even there. He smiled and laughed and shared his joys of becoming a father with everyone, which was of course until his expectant lover came in, tears streaming down her face, shaking terribly.

"Eylesses?" he looked at her, she glanced at him but turned away embarrassed. Her mother came to her side then, and hugged her, looking fearfully back at Phillip.

"What is the matter?" Phillip asked impatiently,

"She lost the baby" her mother said it so quickly; Philip couldn't bring his mind around it. Alexander looked at his father and than at the girl.

"Have her removed from my sight" Philip muttered angrily, as the girl was dragged away kicking and screaming, Alexander did what Alexander was always bound to do, protest.

"I certainly hope you mean to her home, and not to be put to death?" he asked, staring his father right in the face. All of a sudden people noticed the severity of his bruising, of his broken jaw, of his swollen cheeks. They all gasped at him, like he just come from Hades.

"When did I ask you to speak?" Philip growled, his voice was low and husky. Alexander still stood defiantly, as a petrified Hephaistion tried to get to his side to pull him away, but was held back by Clidus.

"When have I ever needed your permission?" Alexander snapped, Philip's one eye seemed to pop out of his skull, the thought of Alexander still defying him made him sick, as the others all looked at him.

"Alexander!" Hephaistion cried out to him, Philip turned around to look at Hephaistion who was being held up against the wall by Clietus, Clietus was pulling at Hephaistions' draw strings.

"Hephaistion!" Alexander exclaimed, the mahogany of his eyes became deep and frightful, as his father laughed. Always laughing at him, always finding his love for Hephaistion humorous.

"Poor, Poor Hephaistion. Now he has to pay… maybe this time you will learn, and learn well" his father mocked him, Alexander was sick of being mocked.

He ran towards him but his father stood in his way. He glared at his battered son,

"I could hurt you more Alexander"

Alexander smiled, "Oh, I know you can"

"Don't you fear me?" Philip asked him, Alexander shook his head.

"I cannot run from you all my life" Alexander muttered, watching as Hephaistion was being held by the throat,

"I won't allow you to help him, Alexander" his father said, his one eye was so cold,

"I wouldn't expect it, but I don't expect a lot from you" Alexander said defiantly, the others all glaring at him, this boy dare defying his king? His own father?

"You are just like your mother… only stupid" his father muttered, smiling. "She was smart enough to stand down"

"My mother hasn't been in love yet" Alexander said, as he watched his poor Hephaistion being tied up, "Move out of my way, or I will make you regret it"

His father laughed so loud it almost deafened him. With the last snort of laughter, Alexander's fist hit his father, and hit him hard. He flew backwards against the table, Alexander marvelling at his strength for a moment, as his father was aided to stand again.

Distracted by the punch, Clietus had let go of Hephaistion. Hephaistion pulled free and as Alexander ran to him they both escaped from the jaws of the beast. Resting up against a pillar, Hephaistions head on Alexander's shoulders; they listened as his father tried to tell the crowd it was merely a play that they were acting out. The crowd obviously had their doubts but applauded all the same.

"Oh Gods if you ever do that again…" Hephaistion said, eyeing Alexander whose face dripped with sweat.

"My Hephaistion" Alexander smiled, seeming to enjoy his brush with another beating, "I do believe you have just been angry with me"

Hephaistion bit his lip but Alexander smiled as he put his lips to Hephaistions forehead he giggled, Hephaistion's face reddened.

"I'm sorry…" Hephaistion began, but Alexander put a hand to his mouth.

"That girl, Hephaistion" Alexander suddenly said, Hephaistion sighed,

"It's out of our hands, Alexander" Hephaistion muttered, Alexander's gaze drifted to the ground.

'They would've killed her, right?" Alexander asked, Hephaistion didn't want to tell him the truth.

"Yes, but that is the way of our world"

"Never let me be that way, Hephaistion. If I ever threaten a woman, cut my tongue out and blind me, for I would be committing one of my fathers' acts"

Hephaistion smiled, holding in a laugh. _Not possible_ he thought, but he accepted it.

"This is why it is better to love a man, Hephaistion" Alexander said relieved, "I don't know what I would do if you were a woman and lost our child"

Hephaistion's eyes gleamed a little,

"I'd hope you'd still love me" Hephaistion whispered into Alexander's ear, Alexander smiled and lifted his chin to Hephaistions,

"Of course, I'd be lost without you" Alexander admitted and they kissed each other.


	7. Part 7

From that moment on, Alexander's cockiness would only strengthen. He walked proudly around the kingdom now, and whenever Philip was out as well he would make a point to walk straight past him. Alexander knew that Philip hated him, despised him even. But even if Alexander did do wrong in Philip's eye, at least it couldn't possibly get any worse.

Alexander, now on the evening of his 20 birthday had been invited to a birthday party for Termeh, a rich merchant's daughter living in Macedon. Alexander hated parties, and despised having to meet women when they all knew he was with Hephaistion, but none the less, ever convincing as always, his mother provoked him so much that he ended up going, and taking Hephaistion.

"I really wish you'd go to this party alone, Alexander" his mother protested, "Termeh wanted you to come… not Hephaistion"

'I don't care what she wants" Alexander retorted, coming out of the bathroom, his silver and gold robes neatly tucked into a long pair of black silk pants, "I care what I want and I have it"

"I know it is important for you to have this relationship with Hephaistion, but please, for the sake of the kingdom, you need an heir"

"Not this ridiculous discussion again" Alexander muttered, tucking his hair under a golden encrusted headband.

"It's not ridiculous, you need an heir"

"While Philip is still king I see no reason to have a child"

"He won't be King for very long…" his mother began, but Alexander turned and glared at her, she stopped talking that second.

'What was that?" he asked her, staring at her coldly.

"Nothing… I just think it's important for you to have a family and a child"

"Your reasons are … unfathomable" Alexander paused, "I should have a child because they're important. Well… they're not to me, not _yet"_

"I'm sorry for thinking about your interests, Alexander" his mother sneered, "It seems I'm too preoccupied with your future, rather than your past"

Alexander didn't know where to begin with that. Hephaistion was never Alexander's past, he was always with him. His feuds with his father ever since he rebelled had weakened because now Alexander was refusing to back down, which in his father's twisted mind was a show of respect and manhood.

"Leave the matter, please?" Alexander begged, walking off down the hall, "They will all see that I have chosen! And chosen wisely!"

Olympius muttered something softly as Alexander skipped off to Hephaistion's house.


	8. Part 8

Authors note: even a love like Alexanders and Hephaistions would have had moments that they had a fight with each other. Even though Alexander would do most of the fighting, Hephaistion is still in my eyes strong willed.

Alexander came through the doors of Hephaistions small estate. It was cosy and homely; the way Alexander wished his home had been as a child. There Hephaistion lay, he was tucked under thick woollen sheets, his arms lay dangling at the side of the bed, and Alexander smiled.

"Hmm" Hephaistion smiled as Alexander kissed his forehead,

"Morn" Alexander face was bright and cheery, much to Hephaistion's astonishment.

"You look happy, Alexander. What news do you bring?"

"A party Hephaistion" Alexander's eyes were so bright and big Hephaistion's heart raced just looking at them.

"A party? What kind of party?" Hephaistion asked him, rubbing his eyes.

"Termeh is 17 this week. She can be legally wed. Mother said it would be in my best interest to go… and since we rarely go to special occasions except for my fathers, I thought this would be great time to be together"

Hephaistion nodded. He knew too well why Olympius wanted Alexander go to this party. For Alexander to become a father and a husband. His eyes lowered slightly,

"I'd be happy to go, Alexander" Hephaistion smiled, but Alexander saw more in Hephaistions eyes.

"You don't want to go do you?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion shook his head, "I never said I didn't want to go"

"Your eyes" Alexander said, pointing at them, "Your eyes are telling me…. You're lying to me Hephaistion"

Hephaistion gasped a little, "No, never Alexander"

Alexander's brow furrowed, "You know how I feel about lies, Hephaistion" he muttered lowly, "Look at what pain my mothers lies have caused me, and my fathers…"

"Alexander, no" Hephaistion defended himself, "I'd never lie to you"

Alexander took a deep breath; Hephaistion could tell by the way Alexander was now standing he didn't believe him. Alexander _always_ believed him, what changed this time?

"I don't like parties, but if you wish I will attend" Hephaistion offered, " Every time I have gone with you I have caused you trouble"

'Nonsense, you've saved me from trouble" Alexander smiled, "I need you beside me, Hephaistion. How can I go without my partner? Then the girls shall assume…"

"Then let them assume" Hephaistion brushed past Alexander to the bathroom, Alexander watched him.

"What would you have me do, Hephaistion? Not go to this party… not present myself?"

"I'd have you do what you want" Hephaistion tilted his head slightly, looking at Alexander, "I'll go, so stop fighting"

Frustrated Alexander sat down on the bed; Hephaistion rubbed his hair dry and looked out at him,

"Don't be this way, Alexander. So I do not enjoy parties, doesn't mean I think less of you if you do"

"Its not that" Alexander muttered, "I know you know the _real_ reason about this party… I know you feel like I'm going to betray you… but there comes a time in a mans life when he must sacrifice, Hephaistion. I will eventually be King"

"I know Alexander" Hephaistion smiled, Alexander returned it weakly, "You always know"


	9. Part 9

Author's note: I have always felt that Alexander was possessive of Hephaistion. This part is really just to show the innocence between each other even if they're adults.

The party was loud and boisterous. Beautiful music was playing through the streets, it was a massive celebration. Termeh, a beautiful brunette haired girl, with sparkling green eyes was dancing close with Alexander for most of the night. Hephaistion on the other hand was watching her seduce him with little interest; he knew Alexander didn't care for woman half as much as he cared for him, though she was very pretty.

"Termeh" Alexander smiled touching her arm, "Who will you marry?"

Termeh giggled, "Oh, maybe you… maybe your friend" she said, pointing at Hephaistion. "He is…a handsome man"

Alexander's eyebrows raised slightly as he looked at Hephaistion, Hephaistion smiled.

"Oh, he's taken" Alexander snapped looking back at her, she did look rather disappointed.

"By whom?" she asked him softly, she started to stroke Alexander's arm then,

"By… by me" Alexander said softly, her eyes drifted over him and then Hephaistion again.

"Oh, you… you want to be a with another a boy?" she asked, Alexander blushed.

"For now… for now I do yes" he admitted, and she nodded.

"I see…. Well, it is to be expected, you two have a close bond" she sighed, " I wish you luck then"

"Thank you" Alexander replied, slightly embarrassed, "I am sorry…. I hope you find a great man"

"_I'm looking at him_" she thought and smiled politely, glancing one last time at Hephaistion whose eyes were transfixed on Alexander.

Hephaistion walked over to Alexander who looked a bit confused.

"Are you all right?" he asked, taking his hand. Alexander smiled the others all watched them for a moment before continuing on with the party.

"She wanted me" Alexander said softly, "someone wanted me… who wasn't you"

Hephaistion frowned a little,

"What did you tell her?"

"I said I have you" Alexander sighed; Hephaistion felt a breath of relief tickle his chest.

"Is that not enough, Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him,

"Its more than enough, Hephaistion" Alexander replied, "I just… know that there is more than one person who fancies me"

Hephaistion grunted, Alexander's slim hand was tightly wrapped around his own.

"Many will fall in love with you Alexander… many" Hephaistion said it, and there was a slight hint of resentment, in the fact that Alexander was beautiful.

Just then, Termeh passed them both. She wasn't looking at Alexander at all, but continued to smile at Hephaistion as she brushed past them.

"Alexander…" Hephaistion said, looking at Alexander whose eyes were fixed on the girl,

"Why is she looking at me?" Hephaistion questioned, as she kept turning around, smiling at him.

"She's jealous" Alexander remarked, and pulled Hephaistion away from the crowd.

"_Funny sort of jealous"_ Hephaistion thought as it became darker and darker the more they got away from the party.

Alexander when he couldn't see anybody, forcefully pushed Hephaistion against a building, in a dank and dirty side street.

"Here?" Hephaistion mumbled, as Alex kissed his neck playfully, nibbling his ear.

"Here" Alexander breathed heavily, going down on Hephaistion.

Hephaistion couldn't breathe for so long; he thought every vein was going to burst inside of his body. His hands grasped Alexander's shoulders as Alexander continued to pleasure him. Hephaistion shuddered and then that was it. Alexander got back up from his knees,

"Never say I don't do things for you" he muttered, wiping his mouth. He then sauntered off alone in the dark, leaving Hephaistion gasping for air to clean himself up and find his own way home.


	10. Part 10

Alexander was thinking of anything but Hephaistion in the days after the party. His mother learned that only a few years after the ultimate assassination of his second pregnant wife, Philip was going to remarry. Alexander had met both Atalas and Eurideche before and disliked them instantly. Knowing all too well that Philip's plan was for a son, a son to replace the one he hated.

For the latter part of his teens, Philip had stopped harassing Alexander and started to treat him as a royal. As if he belonged there. His mother in that time had slowly driven herself into believing in Dionysius, that snakes would be laid around her neck like diamonds, whereas before as a child they were idols, now they were part of his mothers' family. What a family indeed. Olympius descended from the great god who was mortal, Achilles and ever since his mother had claimed Alexander as the son of Zeus. Though taking it lightly, Alexander knew he couldn't possibly be the son of a great god if that was true, Philip would've disowned him long ago. Maybe that's what Alexander only hoped. Philip was playing the game, have his own heir that he knew for certain would be his and flush Alexander out of his existence and the right to the throne.

This is why the impending pressures of marriage on Alexander would always force him back to Hephaistions bed. That evening, after a terrible fight at his fathers wedding, Alexander made love with Hephaistion not once, not twice but 5 times.

Hephaistion cried out in pain as one of Alexander's jerks ripped his skin. Alexander exited immediately Hephaistion sat up, trying to stop himself from crying. Alexander fell backwards against the pillows, his breathing was jagged and his heart was pounding, just the way it always was when he and Hephaistion were together. Hephaistion got out of the bed and draped sheets around his shoulders, his blue eyes were gentle and calm but he himself looked like he was going to cry.

"I'm sorry… I know I was rough with you" Alexander said, Hephaistion turned slightly to see the tanned legs of Alexander's hanging limply at the side of the bed, his eyes were staring at the ceiling, so Hephaistion nodded.

"Answer me please?" Alexander's gaze lowered at Hephaistion,

"I have nothing to say, Alexander" Hephaistion said softly, raising his deep blue eyes to his face, "There is no need for words at the moment"

"I said I'm sorry" Alexander bickered, "I didn't mean to push so hard… I am just"

"Why bother explaining it, Alexander?" Hephaistion said, his eyes darkened a little, this frightened Alexander a great deal, he had never seen Hephaistion angry, annoyed even upset.

"Hephaistion… "Alexander began, but Hephaistion turned around, his eyes fixed on Alexanders.

"What are you going to do, Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, Alexander was still staring at him.

"Well of course I have to attend this second engagement… I can't exactly avoid it" Alexander muttered, "You can come, I want you to be there"

"Why Alexander? He'll try and take us both on"

"Are you afraid Hephaistion?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion turned away, "I just wish you'd consider the fact that your father is out to hurt you…. He'll no doubt, if this marriage is successful, ship you off to go fight in a jungle somewhere… he's unforgiving…." Hephaistion stopped as Alexander motioned towards him; Alexander rested his hand on Hephaistion's shoulder,

"There is no reason for such worry, Hephaistion" Alexander said gently, massaging his neck with his thumbs, "You and I will make it through in the end"

"Till the very end" Hephaistion looked at Alexander over his shoulder who kissed his neck, "Yes… now come, we shouldn't keep them waiting"

As Alexander left, Hephaistion shook his head. When did Alexander become so blind? But then when he saw Olympius he realised that his mothers influence was far greater than anything else in Alexanders mind. She was planning something, Hephaistion could feel it.


	11. Part 11

"Banned? Banned!" Alexander was screaming out loud. It was scary, Hephaistion watched him as he paced, trying to contain his tears and his frustrations.

"That stupid dog Atalas! Who does he think he is? Talking about my mother like that?" he was exclaiming, pumping his fists, his blonde hair covered his eyes as he sat down, his brooding features were cold and menacing, Hephaistion didn't know what to do so he did nothing.

"I think we should leave then… now, now when we have a chance" Alexander said softly, glancing up at Hephaistion.

"Leave…. Alexander we have nowhere to go?" Hephaistion questioned him, Alexander eyes glazed over, his lips pursed but he didn't say anything,

"No, we don't you're right" Alexander admitted shaking his head. "He is going to take them to Persia? He can barely stand"

Hephaistion nodded, that was probably the reason why his father had stopped abusing him, his father was too drunk most of the time to pay any attention to Alexander. Alexander was breathing badly, Hephaistion knew this wasn't good for him; he stood up and put a hand to Alexander's chest. Alexander looked at Hephaistions hand briefly before his eyes started to well with tears.

"Alexander… you have known this Philip your whole life. He will never change" Hephaistion told him, holding him close. Alexanders gutted cries were the last thing Hephaistion wanted to hear, as he tried to calm him.

"I don't want to be like this anymore Hephaistion. Acting like a wounded horse every time my father tells me I'm a bastard… I have tried in vain to gain his respect, and all it has resulted in is more contempt" Hephaistion buried his face in Alexander's hair for that moment, "Come, Alexander. Let's go for a ride, you need to leave this palace"

Alexander shook his head but Hephaistion pulled him out of his room and down the corridors.

His mother watched them escaping out to their horses, as she turned too look at the messenger who was sitting at her table,

" I will pay you handsomely for your deed if you do succeed in Philip's assassination…" the writer paused, his eyes were wide with worry, but Olympius stalled it by dropping gold coins in his lap, " it is time that Macedonia and Greece have a new King… a beautiful King" she watched the man write out more.

"In closing you will be a hero, not only at home but for all eternity. I know how much you resent Philip…. So isn't it time that you took the next step? Queen Olympius" she turned as the writer finished it off.

"Seal it and then take to him, I want no-one to know about this" she whispered, and he nodded as she pushed a bag of coins across the table, "Alexander must not know… he will find out in due time, maybe never I am not sure yet" Olympius smiled as the messenger bowed to her and left her chamber. She picked up one of her asps from the floor and dangled it around her neck adoringly, as it slithered and hissed in her ear.

"He'll get over it" she murmured to the snake, "He'll be a King, My Alexander. My Alexander King of Macedonia, King of the whole _world_" she smiled and let the snake slither off her neck before she left her chamber to go and watch Alexander expand his wings, him not even realising how big they would grow.


	12. Part 12

Authors Note: The reason why I just left Hephaistion alone after Alexander pleasured him is because Alexander realised the girl liked Hephaistion. Being Alex he was jealous, and decided to throw his sexual frustrations at Hephaistion.

Hephaistion awoke to see Alexander sitting in a chair at the end of his bed. Hephaistion yawned and sat up, Alexander was flexing his hands and burying them under his chin, he eyed Hephaistion for a moment before resuming cracking his knuckles, Hephaistion blinked, not really sure if it was Alexander who was sitting before him.

"Morn" Alexander finally said, his dark mahogany eyes rose to look at Hephaistion, who still seemed to be in a dreaming state.

"Hello" Hephaistion said softly, "what's wrong?"

"I don't suppose you've seen my mother recently?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion shook his head.

"Well… Phillip wants to see her, I don't know about what exactly…" Alexander's voice trembled a little, " Clietus and Cassander both believe that Eurideche is with child"

Hephaistion saw the fear in Alexander's eyes,

"She said he'll send me away no doubt" Alexander looked at him, "where too, is unknown. Cassander andClietus are going to Persia… maybe he'll turn me into a soldier"

Hephaistion couldn't breathe it was all moving to fast. He watched Alexander bury his face in his hands, and drag them slowly down his cheeks before he clasped them together, pursing his lips and pressing them hard against his thumbs.

"Alexander, you do not fear remember?" Hephaistion encouraged him, "Wherever you end up I will"

Alexander smiled then and laughed a little, "Dead, Hephaistion. Do you want to die?"

Hephaistion almost choked. "He wouldn't kill you Alexander…"

"Now who's being naive, Hephaistion. Days ago you feared the worst and now the worst will happen"

For the first time in his time with Alexander Hephaistion was disappointed with him. His eyes trailed down Alexander's face, Alexander watched him,

"Don't say that, Alexander" Hephaistion whispered, "The worst is only worse if we're not together… at least, in my eyes"

Alexander shook his head, "this is something to worry about, Hephaistion… I have only had basic training; Persephalus isn't ready for this kind of thing"

"Alexander, stay calm" Hephaistion sighed, stroking Alexander's arm, "You don't know these things"

"The taste of blood, I can feel in my mouth" Alexander muttered, Hephaistion eyed him. "but not cleanly cut blood… dirty, dry, cracking blood…"

"Alexander please" Hephaistion begged him, "Stop talking nonsense"

"It isn't nonsense" Alexander grabbed Hephaistion roughly, "this is serious… we could die, Hephaistion"

"What do you want to do about it?" Hephaistion choked, as Alexander's hands tightened around his collar,

"There is _nothing_ we can do, but stop… stop saying there is" Alexander let go, turning away as Hephaistion tried to get his breath back.

"Why don't you come and have a hot bath?" Hephaistion offered, extending his hand to Alexander. Alexander looked at it for a moment before shaking his head,

"No, this can't be solved by relaxing… I'm far from that" Alexander looked teary eyed and exceptionally weak, but he wasn't going to crumble. Not now, he couldn't bring himself to do it. Hephaistion's comforts only made him more upset so he got up and headed towards Hephaistion's door.

"If she is, then … tonight may be our last night together" Alexander muttered lowly,

"Alex…" Hephaistion began but it was too late, Alexander had all ready left.


	13. Part 13

Everyone assumed that Olympius had been in hiding since writing the letter. Olympius hadn't been however, she had just been concealing herself by staying in a little village away from the palace. She realised that she was leaving Alexander alone by himself, but he would have to learn to deal with that. She worried for him so, and the more she showed she cared, the more Alexander accused her otherwise.

"Where's my mother?" she could hear Alexander's voice shouting outside of her room.

"She isn't here young prince" the inn keeper told him, but he ignored her and pushed past.

"Come out! Come out! I know you're here!" Alexander yelled at her door, but she ignored it.

His mother walked over to the door and looked through the hinge, she could see an outline of Alexander, he looked dishevelled and very frightened.

"What is it Alexander? I told you there was nothing more I could've done… he has made up his mind to marry that girl…" she insisted,

"I am scar ed mother" Alexander admitted, leaning against the door, " What if I am sent to Persia?"

"You would willingly go as King, would you not?" his mother asked, Alexander's brow furrowed.

"I'm not going as King, Mother, I'm going as captive" he pursed his lips together for a moment, "What will happen to me?"

"You'll have to form alliances and quick" Olympius warned, "Times are changing Alexander, and you will need friends on your journey"

"What? You're not insisting I stay?" Alexander said in a panic, "you're going to make me go?"

"Don't ask trivial questions. Talk to as many people as you know. And work quickly, Phillips' announcement as King of Macedon is soon to be held, you don't want to keep him waiting"

"What? Why would I go and support him?" Alexander asked confused, "He wants to see you anyway…

"Just do it… you will understand" she insisted and kissed his forehead before retreating back to her room.


	14. Part 14

Authors note: What if Philip was going to give the throne to Alexander anyway? This brings around the meaning of the death scene for Alexander too; after all in the movie he does tell him that all the riches in the world will be his one day. Guilty pangs hit Olympias, not because she loves Philip, but because he is Alexander's father and for once, now that he has another new family, Alexander isn't suffering any longer.

Olympias watched Alexander leave. She could see the confusion in his eyes; she knew that he was never going to understand the reasons. She wiped tears from her face as she re-entered her chamber.

'Queen Olympias?" the servant girl asked as Olympias came over to the balcony,

"I'm fine" she insisted, "I know that the King wants to see me. Perhaps… Perhaps you can ask him to come and find me?" she asked softly, as the servant girl nodded.

"Of course my Queen" she smiled politely, bowing lowly before she exited Olympias room. Olympias' heart was racing a million miles. She was going to look Philip in the eye for one last time before the ceremony, and talk about Alexander, Alexander becoming the new King of Macedon.

Philip came to the door of Olympias room he knocked once and she opened it immediately. He was looking a little disheveled, tired from the nights party. Which, Olympias knew he didn't know she saw what happened between Alexander and him. He grunted and pushed past her like she was nothing, crossing his arms immediately.

"Have you spoken to Alexander?" he asked immediately, before she had a chance to start the conversation, she paused briefly, her rounded lips pursed for a second,

" I speak to Alexander every day" she said softly, almost teasing Philip because the time with Alexander he had was estranged and distant.

"He had the nerve to question me about my marriage…. "Philip began, glancing at Olympias, "I no doubt know he wouldn't have if he hadn't spoken to you…"

"Alexander is a caring boy, Philip" she said with a smile on her lips, "He has learnt well from Dionysus, and me, I take pleasure in knowing he is compassionate"

"Compassion is for a fool" Philip snarled, "Always with women, your words may trick the young but I see through this veil of deceit" he needed his fingers together for a moment, "I kept telling you not to teach him those useless things and what have you done? Always to spite me…."

" I don't do these things to spite you, Philip. I do them to show Alexander that being mortal and having emotions is normal for a boy, for a man. I didn't want him to grow up cold like stone… I couldn't bare living with the only men in my life being like that"

It was a confession that Olympias felt gave more away than she intended. Cold as stone, cold like the grave. All these things toyed in her mind as Philip thought about a response for a moment,

'If Alexander was to assent the throne, then he will know what he really needs. That isn't wise talking lies from you" Philip one brow rose slightly, as she coughed a little, suppressing her laughter.

"A true military man no doubt…" Olympias sighed, "Still, what was the reason for coming to my chamber?"

"Making sure you were coming to the ceremony… my new wife is going to be there with our son. She has been away for some time, but we have a healthy little boy…" Philip said with some joy,

"That really isn't a choice" she answered him,

"I know it's not" he said softly, "but I just love telling things to your face, instead of hearing about them behind my back or from my son"

"Not everything about Alexander's temper is my fault. You ignite his fire, so naturally he responds to it" Olympias insisted, Philip glanced away for a moment.

"Well then, it must be Hephaistion" Philip lowered his eye to the ground, "He'll soon change out of that phase though. The older he gets, and the more persistent he is to have my crown he'll have to work for it… I'm not going to give it to a weakling"

Olympias eyes opened up, "You were… I mean are going to give the throne to Alexander?"

"If he has an heir soon, yes. I may despise his antics, but he is my son. Regardless of any myth you tell him"

"What about your new boy?" Olympias asked, "Isn't he going to be King?"

"Perhaps, when the time is right. For now he's still an infant… If I were to die in Persia, a baby couldn't sit at my throne. And all these sycophants that sit around me… I see no real reason to keep Alexander from it"

It was with that open confession that Olympias realized that she had set up to do a cowardly thing. It wasn't heroic and it wasn't saving Alexander, it was merely getting rid of a problem in her life. As Olympias always took these situations, she bid him farewell and joined the others out into the arena.

Her stone cold features were the first thing Alexander saw, and as the man who was planning to kill Philip walked past her, she found all her happiness in the bottom of her lap. Not only was she putting Alexander in charge of an army that he had never fought with, which would make alliances harder for him, she was killing the best tactical King Macedonia had ever seen, and it was with that thought Olympias froze in her chair and would remain there for the rest of the spectacle.


	15. Part 15

"That man is pacing a lot" Alexander thought as he watched one of his fathers guards walk backwards and forwards. Alexander had just had the best conversation with his father in years. Philip spoke to him like he was human, perhaps because now that Philip had a son he could mould to loving and accepting Philip's ways then it was all falling into place. He needn't be angry with Alexander.

Philip insisted Alexander walk around to the front of the arena, declaring that he should obey him at least one time in his life. Alexander kept watching the man over his father's shoulder with keen and sickening interest. If he hadn't seen his mother, doing the same thing he was, he would've thought nothing of it. He tried to convince his father he should go with him, but rejected again Alexander told his father to have courage… for he feared, within his heart of hearts; his mother was up to something.

Hephaistion came and stood beside him as his father proceeded down the hallway that erupted in loud cheers, deafening to the ears. Alexander turned slightly to looked at Hephaistion, not expecting to see him there after the previous nights.

"I'm sorry I haven't come to you, Hephaistion" Alexander whispered, "I…"

' I know the reason Alexander" Hephaistion smiled, "Your family needed you"

"It's not that. My father told me today that one day all the riches in the world will be mine… do you think that perhaps, he is giving me the crown?" Alexander's eyes were filled with wonder and excitement,

"I wouldn't be too sure, Alexander" Hephaistion warned; touching his shoulder lightly, "Your father is a confusing man"

Alexander eyed Hephaistion for a moment but didn't say anything.

"Perhaps you are right, Hephaistion" Alexander acknowledged, his hand touched Hephaistion's shoulder which sent shivers up his spine,

"It's only an assumption; maybe this marriage has done him good" Alexander let go of Hephaistion, as Hephaistion nearly exploded into a million pieces.

"So come Alexander, we should go" Hephaistion's breathing had changed slightly as Alexander turned fully around to look at him. His head was cocked, like Hephaistion always loved, his eyes were deep and sparkling, like pools of swirling mist.

Then it happened. No sooner had Alexander turned around did Hephaistion see it.

"What?" Alexander asked Hephaistion, Hephaistion's face turned white.

"A…" he began, but Alexander turned around and saw it too. His father, lay dying on the sand, a dagger sticking out of his side.

Alexander's eyes widened still not believing it, as Hephaistion tried to hold him, but he pulled away, tearing down the hallway into the arena, as thousands of people ran screaming for their lives and his fathers closest friends all stood by and watched helplessly as their King perished.

Alexander's tear stained face glanced up at the crowd, and there sitting still as stone, her eyes locked on Alexander, Olympias waited.

Alexander started screaming, lifting his father's head to his hands. As his father's one eye dilated, the life gone from his body, Alexander wept openly, the blood from his father stained his mouth.

He saw them, his fathers friends and sons all gather around. And in an instant he was hoisted to his feet and as the thoughts swirled and the inertia pulled him, Alexander in the seconds of his fathers' death was now the king of Macedonia, having never been in a big conflict before in his life.


	16. Part 16

In the moments afterwards, Hephaistion was the only one who remained by Alexander's side. Hephaistion felt guilty, for his thoughts were of loving a King, as he watched the destabilized Alexander drop to his knees as soon as they came to the bedroom.

"You spoke with your mother?" Hephaistion said softly, kneeling down beside him.

" If what we had was a conversation" Alexander said darkly, tears still streaming down his face. His beautiful eyes were red from the constant flow of pain that stained the beauty of Alexander; it hurt Hephaistion deeply to see it.

"Isn't this what you wanted?" Hephaistion asked him dumbly. In reflection, Hephaistion realized that it was a stupid question, as Alexander's face contorted, his fists clenched and with an all mighty heave he pushed Hephaistion over and pinned him down, just like when they were boys, wrestling with each other.

"Oh it's everything I've ever wanted, Hephaistion" Alexander mocked, his lips so close to Hephaistion's he could taste them, but the anger in Alexander's voice was scary and distant, as he jerked Hephaistion forward, biting his lip, but it wasn't playful it was painful.

It bled in Alexander's mouth, and built up with rage and fury it didn't occur to Alexander that he had just willingly hurt his lover and friend. Hephaistion eyes' watered from the pain as Alexander kissed Hephaistion passionately, the blood running freely between their mouths, the viciousness of Alexander's mind and body on full display.

Alexander pulled away, as Hephaistion's hand immediately covered his bleeding mouth. Alexander's eyes were sorrowful, but the rest of him was stuck in static, he was breathing heavily, his mouth tasted Hephaistion's blood, his face was stained with his fathers.

"Alexander" Hephaistion said after a few moments of silence, Alexander was leaning up against the bed post, his head in his hands.

"Just go, Hephaistion" Alexander told him softly, trying to contain his rage. "Just go"

"No" Hephaistion said defiantly, showing his swollen bloodied lip to Alexander, " I will not leave you"

" I will only take my pain out on you? Then how will I forgive myself?" Alexander asked him,

"I am willing, because you are in such pain" Hephaistion told him, coming over to Alexander. Alexander watched Hephaistion briefly, the arch of his soft tanned back, the crescent shape scar on his cheek, the deepest bluest eyes he had ever seen, crawling towards him, slowly sitting up and staring him in the face. Hephaistion extended his hand to Alexander's cheek, and Alexander tilted his head so that it brushed Hephaistion finger tips.

"No I can't…" Alexander suddenly jerked away, as Hephaistion's hand sat cold and stagnant.

'But why Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, wanting to feel Alexander against him more than anything,

"I don't want it resolved by this" Alexander head dropped, "I want you, and you know I do. But I can't go on abusing your body for the sake of my contentment"

Hephaistion's eyes widened, "Never have you abused me, Alexander"

"Then what is this?" Alexander asked, "Then what has my anger and sadness brought you on your knees for?"

Hephaistion was almost crying as Alexander drew in deep breaths. Hephaistion sat up and sitting a few inches away from Alexander.

'Making love to you is a joy, Alexander" Hephaistion confessed, "When we are in our hours of need it is best that we release it"

"I don't want to hurt you" Alexander mumbled, "I hurt you the last time, and those eyes, those beautiful eyes tell more than you would ever speak"

"My Alexander" Hephaistion's voice was cracking from sadness, "I…"

'Just look at what I've reduced this too… I want to make love to you when I am well and good, when we both enjoy each other"

Hephaistion nodded, "I know this but when I hear these things, Gods Alexander, I want you more"

Alexander smiled a little then, "I'm sorry" he muttered, standing up, "go, go now"

Hephaistion was sobbing as he obediently left Alexander alone. Then he ran, he ran so fast and so hard that he tripped and landed head first into the garden. He picked himself up and there in front of him was Olympias.

"Hephaistion?" she asked, aiding him to stand.

"My Queen" Hephaistion acknowledged her, bowing slightly.

"You were with Alexander?" she asked, he nodded.

"How is he?" she said softly, her eyes searching Hephaistion's face for an answer.

"He's… sleeping" he answered her, it was a lie but none the less.

"What happened to your lip?" she asked him, noticing the bite marks,

"Oh I ran into a door and bit my lip" he offered, but he knew she knew what really happened.

"Perhaps you should leave him till he is better rested? It has been a hard day for him, Hephaistion. He needs time"

Hephaistion's eyes lowered slightly, "Yes, I suppose you are right"

"He will come to you" she insisted, patting Hephaistion's shoulder. "I promise"

"_Don't make promises you can't keep"_ Hephaistion thought as he brushed past his Queen, hurriedly trying to escape that night and it's memories, as a restless and distraught Alexander was trying to do the same.


	17. Part 26

Authors note:

This wouldn't have happened, or been thought of in the movie because of the orientation of Alex/Heph. This is just my views on how Cassander has such hatred towards Alexander.

Hephaistion awoke to the sound of stampeding hooves outside of his tent. At first he thought that they were part of a dream that he was having, but they continued to get louder and louder until they came to so close, Hephaistion could almost feel the horse on top of him.

He pulled back the flaps of the tent, and glanced out. He couldn't see anything except for a few fires burning off in the distance. He could hear people talking, and as he got out for a further inspection, he saw them.

"Cleitus, Cassander?" He asked them both, confused as to why they were there.

"Hephaistion" Cassander muttered and with one swift kick with the horse's hoof to the face, Hephaistion went flying across the ground.

Hephaistion glanced up, his head spinning and throbbing as the cut to his forehead bleeding a little. Cassander appeared above him then, and dragged him to a standing position.

"Alexander wants you to return to the palace" Cassander mumbled, keeping his hands around Hephaistion's arm, holding him still. Steely glaze over his eyes, as Cleitus circled like hawk around the back of him.

"I shall return to him, I was planning too" Hephaistion saw the look in Cassander's eyes,

"We have travelled this far to find you. It is ordered we bring you back immediately" Cleitus informed him, Hephaistion narrowed his eyes,

"I'd prefer to go alone" Hephaistion looked at the elder gentleman that spoke to him before, he looked back at him, his eyes said it all.

"We'd prefer to take you" Cleitus muttered, ignoring Hephaistion's insistence, as Cassander grabbed Hephaistion's other hand, tying them together.

"Take me out killed, more than likely" Hephaistion growled lowly, as Cassander and Cleitus looked at each other.

"... It was considered, but then we'd be put to death by Alexander, what fun would that be?" Cassander's eyebrow rose slightly as he slapped Hephaistion's face, the blood from the cut in his forehead dribbled down over his nose;

"We have much better plans for you" Cassander whispered in Hephaistion's ear, even Cleitus couldn't hear it.

Hephaistion was feeling nauseous as the other men just watched Cassander and Cleitus tying him up.

"Enjoy the hike back, gentleman" they smiled at them, and the other men all growled. Hephaistion saw the elder gentleman, and with pleading eyes he tried to convince him to come over and say something, nothing, silence. Complete and utter silence.

Hephaistion's sad eyes dropped to the ground as he allowed Cleitus and Cassander to take him away. They tied him up to the back of the horse's saddle, and made him walk behind the horse as they galloped, Hephaistion slipping over numerous times, grazing his legs and his arms. They then stopped at a small roadside, and unloaded. Having a rest, leaving Hephaistion tied to the back of the horse, his skin burning from the open cuts and sores on his arms and legs, feeling dizzy and sick from the wound in his forehead.

"This'll be a nice place to rest for a while... I think there's a little stream around here" Cleitus told Cassander, as he rolled out a rug and laid down on it. Cassander nodded, waiting for him to fall asleep as Hephaistion watched him nervously.

Cleitus had finally fallen asleep after a few hours, as Hephaistion had almost fainted from the pain in his head. Cassander came over to Hephaistion, laying his hands on Hephaistion's shoulders, thumbing the back of his neck.

"Why did you choose him over me?" Cassander asked, Hephaistion knew this was coming. For years Cassander and Hephaistion had been lovers, but it was only experimentation, it was never truly love. Cassander saw this relationship as something more and was envious, terribly bitter that Hephaistion chose Alexander as his lover.

"... I love Alexander, Cassander" Hephaistion sighed deeply, "Though we have been through troubled times, he is important to me" Hephaistion's voice was soft and loving and made Cassander ache with envy.

"... I could've loved you the same" Cassander whispered, as his hands lowered on Hephaistion's back, till his fingers were trailing down, trickling over his each of his back bones.

"... Love cannot be forced, Cassander" Hephaistion muttered, as Cassander's hands stroked outwards across Hephaistion's back,

"... When we were together, it wasn't forced" Cassander bickered, lowering his head on Hephaistion's shoulder.

"Now you're lying..." Hephaistion whispered hoarsely, "we were made to do it"

Cassander's hands arched over Hephaistion's hips, as his fingers lingered around to the front of his thigh,

"We weren't made to enjoy it" Cassander said coolly, as Hephaistion could feel Cassander's bony hands coming closer and closer to his genitalia.

"You can take advantage of me, Cassander... But I still won't love you like him" Hephaistion grunted, thrusting against Cassander's hands as he gripped him, gently stroking before digging his nails into his scrotum.

"... You stripped me of everything I loved and wanted, Hephaistion. You most importantly... I thought I would've had your support to be the new King..."

"Heirs are born royal, Cassander" Hephaistion stuttered, trying not to cry out in pain, as Cassander's fingers dug deeper into his skin.

"... I would've had something he wanted, why did you insist on being with him?"

"You all ready know" Hephaistion protested, as Cassander's fingers continued to claw down before he pulled hard, Hephaistion screamed in pain, but Cassander's free hand smothered his mouth.

Cassander ripped and tore at Hephaistion's skin til he was bleeding. He then pulled away, his hands smothered in Hephaistion's blood, not thick and not deep, but small and barely visible as Hephaistion's eyes were filled with tears,

"Gods Cassander, can't you ever understand?" Hephaistion demanded through his tears,

"No... I will never" Cassander looked at Hephaistion, who was trying to hold himself together but failing miserably.

"If you want to do it, then do it" Hephaistion muttered, "You've gone this far all ready"

Cassander thought about it for a moment, standing very close behind Hephaistion,

"I don't think so" he said finally, wiping the blood over Hephaistion's robes, "It's not as fun as what I wanted it to be..."

"That's peculiar" Hephaistion said softly, "you normally enjoy tormenting me"

"... I'd like to think as what I have done as enough" Cassander muttered softly, "I could do far worse, but your inability to sleep with Alexander tonight, will make me happy indeed"

Hephaistion eyes looked to the ground before glancing back up again, "That's where you are wrong... nothing would stop me from making love to Alexander"

Cassander stopped near him for a moment before he took Hephaistion's neck in his hands and thumbed the pressure points of his throat. Hephaistion started to struggle, as he could feel the air become tighter in his chest, Cassander let go and Hephaistion drew in a deep breath. The pain in his chest was massive as his head started to spin and he fell unconscious.

Cassander then untied Hephaistion and Hephaistion dropped to the ground with a loud thud. Awaking from his slumber, Cleitus saw Hephaistion lying on the ground.

"Cassander?" he asked immediately, Cassander walked around and sat down.

"He was tired" Cassander said softly, as Cleitus gave him an awkward look.

"Tired?" he sat up and took another look at Hephaistion, the scar on his head had stopped bleeding, but he was lying in a strange position, his hands still looked bound together, all though they weren't, his neck at a funny angle.

"You knocked him out, didn't you?" Cleitus asked; Cassander nodded.

"Conversations never work" Cassander admitted,

"So are we just going to leave him here?" Cleitus asked,

"No... we'll take him back with us, I just... couldn't stand listening to his tripe any longer" Cassander's eyebrows narrowed,

" ... Oh come Cassander, don't be so upset about it" Cleitus smiled, "There's plenty more fish in the sea"

"There's plenty more whores in the brothel" Cassander grunted, glancing at Hephaistion,

"I just want him"

Cleitus sighed; the love triangle was impending on more that was Cleitus wanted. Cassander loved Hephaistion who loved Alexander. It was confusing and trivial. Bitter and twisted. Cleitus thought more about Cassander every day. He glanced over Cassander, Cassander had great potential, and he wished that Cassander would muster it, like Hephaistion wants Alexander to use his.


	18. Part 27

Authors note: Hot and cold is Alexander towards Hephaistion. You'd wonder why Hephaistion would put up with him.

Alexander awaited Hephaistion's arrival for many hours. He walked up and down the hallways of his great palace, watching his mother who was busy out in he garden with Parmenion, then retracting his eyes to the inside of his room. He sat, in a long golden shawl that covered the top of his bare shoulders; small white shorts that showed most of his thigh were snug up around his crotch as he ran his tanned hands across the whites of his legs. He was tired, he was melancholy. He had a terrible migraine, brought on by the liquor he had to drink last night.

Alexander was never much of a drinker, but when he became the successor of the throne, goblets appeared in front of him, as a sign that he had reached maturity. So he drank from them, unlike his father who on occasion would get caught up in his drunk behaviour, Alexander took it to the next level; he was completely intoxicated for most of the day, even worse when Hephaistion wasn't there.

When Hephaistion finally came through the doors, looking worse for wear than usual, Alexander didn't immediately go to his side. He waited, patiently thumbing the outside of his goblet, as its red contents dribbled down the front of his bare chest.

Aristotle was still trying to convince Alexander for an inquest, saying that the time had come for it since they were due to leave Macedon in two weeks. Alexander hadn't prepared for the war, his mind had been focused on one thing; Hephaistion. So it was strange, Aristotle thought, when Alexander didn't announce himself at their arrival.

"Alexander requests you go to his room" Aristotle told the exhausted Hephaistion, who red eyes looked pained, but he ignored it. Everyone ignored it. Nobody really cared what happened to Hephaistion, in their eyes he was just Alexander's servant; nothing more.

Hephaistion nodded and slowly made his way to Alexander's room. He knocked once and waited. A drunk and weak looking Alexander approached his door, his hand gripped it so he would remain standing up right, and his eyes were squinted as if being faced by sunlight. He looked Hephaistion up and down.

"Enjoy your trip?" he asked him, Hephaistion shook his head. Alexander wasn't seeing what Hephaistion wanted him too see. Hephaistion was in pain, massive pain, and all Alexander was thinking about was himself. He sighed and waited for Alexander to close the door. He did so, slowly turning around he stumbled over to the circular couch in his room, sitting down.

'Come, sit" Alexander beckoned him, and Hephaistion sat down. It was the first time since being knocked out Hephaistion had rested, he made a guttural groan- the pain in his scrotum was unbearable as he winced trying to hold it in.

"Pretty Hephaistion" Alexander cooed, Hephaistion recognized this stage of Alexander's drunkenness all to well. The loving Alexander and the forceful Alexander. He waited for Alexander's hands to brush his leg playfully, but instead Alexander' slapped him hard across the chest, and he continued to do it till Hephaistion was sore and red.

Alexander was crying out incoherently, as his dirty nails dragged across Hephaistion's skin. Hephaistion grabbed his hand and held it, looking at Alexander's eyes.

"Alexander…" Hephaistion said softly, again being the guiding gentle lover of the pair, he brought Alexander closer to him, as Alexander dropped weeping into his thighs.

"Why did you leave me? Why…" Alexander was sobbing, as Hephaistion also tried to stop himself from crying too, he bent his neck down slightly to his chin was sitting just on Alexander's head, he sighed.

" ….. I didn't know if I wanted this" Hephaistion admitted, "I didn't know if I could handle this"

Alexander glanced up, his hazy mahogany eyes, which were puffy from crying and alcohol effects just stared at him blankly.

'You didn't want me?" Alexander muttered, disgusted.

"No, Alexander… of course I wanted you, I just wasn't sure that I'd be good for you"

Alexander grinned stupidly, the yellow of his teeth was disgusting, and his breath was putrid,

"Look at what I have become with you…" Alexander muttered, pointing to his wine stained chest, his puffy eyes… 'The only thing I had to keep me as King is you…"

"Alexander…" Hephaistion said softly, "…. You are King for more reasons than me"

"Oh nonsense" Alexander bickered, sitting up a little and away from Hephaistion.

"You have such little faith… there are those who would take advantage of such feelings" Hephaistion whispered, his face etched with concern,

"… who Cassander? Cleitus? Are these the men you accuse?" Alexander asked him, Hephaistion shuddered at their names; Alexander was still unaware of what had happened.

"Yes, they want the throne so badly Alexander… they may take it from you" his voice shook with worry, "they'll try _anything_"

"It seems you'll try anything to get away from me" Alexander turned the subject back to Hephaistion leaving; Hephaistion hated it when Alexander did that.

'…. I came back" Hephaistion grunted, "I am here, right now…"

"…. And I'm supposed to be overjoyed am I not?" Alexander bickered, Hephaistion recognized this too. Alexander was in the 3rd stage of his drunkenness. First was sadness, then anger and now its bitterness, envy. The worst stage in Hephaistion's opinion.

"Calm down, Alexander" Hephaistion begged, worried that Alexander was going to start hitting him again,

"I shan't" Alexander protested, his whole face was now red, his eyes were slit like cats pupils.

"…. Please don't start this tonight, Alex…." Hephaistion begged, but Alexander grabbed him, and pushed him over. Alexander was sitting on top of him, Hephaistion couldn't help but cry out in pain as tears ran freely down his face.

Alexander so caught up in his own anger and frustration didn't realize and started to pull Hephaistion's clothes causing them to rip and tear, as Hephaistion was begging Alexander to stop.

"I've waited for you for so long… that finally I feel refreshed, rejuvenated" Alexander smiled, has Hephaistion closed his eyes trying not to focus on the pain,

'Alexander there's something I've got to tell you…" Hephaistion began, as Alexander came straight down onto him, lying flat out across Hephaistion's now naked body, he kissed Hephaistion's shoulders,

'…. Alexander, please?" Hephaistion cried, and Alexander stopped. He looked at Hephaistion's face, which was twisted in pain, his mouth was parted slightly in silent sobs of agony as Alexander's eyes widened.

'…. Hephaistion?" Alexander asked him, putting a hand to Hephaistion's cheek, his hand stained in Hephaistion's tears.

"I'm sorry… but not tonight, I have suffered so, Alexander" Hephaistion wept, and he sat up. His breathing was erratic and frightening as Alexander moved his hand to Hephaistion's crotch, Hephaistion screamed out in pain.

"What has happened, here?" Alexander asked him, his worried eyes searched Hephaistion's for an answer as Hephaistion shook his head.

" I cannot say…" Hephaistion muttered, twisting himself so he wasn't facing Alexander any longer.

" You must tell me, who did this to you?" Alexander demanded, as Hephaistion shook his head.

"It was my own fault… I'm to blame" Hephaistion couldn't believe himself, he was defending Cassander.

"…. You did that to yourself?" Alexander glared at him, " but why?"

"I missed you so… I felt wrong for leaving you" Hephaistion whimpered, as Alexander got off him and lay beside him,

"…. I never realized I could cause you so much pain, too" Alexander whispered, " I know we've had our fights… but, physical pain?"

'I'm sorry Alexander" Hephaistion sobbed, "I'm sorry…"

"Don't be, I am the one who's sorry" Alexander said apologetically, he turned into Hephaistion, "I shall let you rest, and we shall talk tomorrow…." Alexander patted his shoulder, and kissed his cheek.

As he got up to leave Hephaistion sat up a little,

'Please don't leave… just stay" Hephaistion smiled weakly, Alexander nodded and then looked to the door where Aristotle was waiting.

"There are more… impending matters" Alexander couldn't breathe, his eyes were focused on Hephaistion's, as Hephaistion's eyes begged for him to stay.

"…. I need you" Hephaistion whispered softly,

"And I'll come back, I promise" Alexander said, closing the door to Hephaistion's cries.

Hephaistion started sobbing again, trying to stop himself from crying he covered a pillow over his face and lay there, naked, in pain and alone again. How was it Alexander could treat him so without rebuttal? How was it so Hephaistion didn't say the truth about Cassander? Why…

Hephaistion slapped himself in the face, trying to calm himself down as he just rested on Alexander's bed, waiting for his return into his life again, though he wouldn't know how long he'd wait.


	19. Part 28

Authors Note: Thank you all for the replies 

Alexander didn't want to leave Hephaistion, but Aristotle was persistent and instructed him to sort out the real problems facing his crown. The fact that he hadn't married and was leaving for Persia without an heir, he still hadn't questioned his mother about the death of his father and he also hadn't resolved just who would be appointed counsel for the journey.

He needed strong men, he needed honorable men. There was something wrong however in what Hephaistion had told him, Hephaistion wouldn't hurt himself, not that greatly. Alexander's brow furrowed as Aristotle began his points of business, Alexander's open hand ran down his face, his sunken eyes were so tired, as he sat patiently, waiting for the others to arrive.

"I've chosen my counsel" Alexander said hastily, as they all quickly sat down.

'Just who have you chosen?' Parmenion asked, leaning forward Alexander glanced around at the table.

"Cleitus- for my father said he is a truest ally, I certainly hope to strengthen that bond" Alexander looked at Cleitus, Cleitus nodded.

"Ptolemy – for your words of wisdom and knowledge of battle" Alexander looked to Ptolemy, Ptolemy smiled at him.

"Parmenion – a wise elder, a strong ally in battle" Alexander looked at Parmenion, who seemed shocked.

"Philotas and Antigonas as well shall join our counsel" Alexander looked around the table again, no-one seemed to rebut that, "Also Perdicaas and Nerachus who have aided us long in battles, Philotas the trainer of our younger men into such fine soldiers, he shall also accompany us"

The table fell silent in awe, they were marveled at Alexander. Alexander, until now, had no idea what he wanted but as he sat there, his eyes fixed on the food before him, he smiled.

Cassander could feel his heart beat erratically. He tried to swallow his drink, but it spilled over, as his nervous hands shook the glass so much he had to put it down. Alexander watched him briefly for a moment, as Cleitus also worried over him, telling him to stay calm.

"Cassander" Alexander said finally, "You are the last elected to join my head counsel; you shall accompany the rest of the men and I into Gugamala, our first point of attack when we reached Persia, as discussed with myself and Aristotle"

Cassander felt like being sick, as Alexander's eyes searched his face, as if uncovering his deepest, filthiest secrets. Those dark inset eyes, those menacing mahogany windows to Alexander's mind.

Alexander then stood up, ' You shall also inform Craterous that he needs to start organizing the men into formations, Aristotle will lead the first strategy meeting tonight; no later than sundown"

It was then, for the first time since becoming King, Alexander was applauded. First Parmenion stood up and started clapping, then Ptolemy, Aristotle was also clapping, Cleitus also then stood up as the small table of men was smiling and it seemed, recognizing the King that they had just appointed, though Alexander wasn't sure of his role himself yet.

Alexander bowed and made an exit, quickly followed by Aristotle who started chatting like a little school boy, how excited he was to start his job, Alexander presumed, but Alexander's mind was focused on something else.

"Alexander, it's a miracle… how you've changed so" Aristotle commented, patting Alexander's shoulder lightly,

' I couldn't wait for it to kick in, I had to bring it into myself first" Alexander sighed, leaning outside the door, hearing the gaggle inside the dining room,

"I am most impressed, Alexander" Aristotle said beaming, 'I wasn't sure you would ever assume the throne… properly"

Alexander smiled slightly, a small kink in the corner of his mouth as he shook his head and lowered his gaze,

'Something happened to Hephaistion, Aristotle… something bad" Alexander's voice was low and shaky, Aristotle leant into him a little,

" What do you think happened?' he asked,

"I'm not certain, but he has… sores and cuts, and severe bruising in other places. I worry I have sent my poor Hephaistion mad"

Aristotle's eyes widened a little, "… What do you intend on doing with him?"

"He's coming to Persia" Alexander's eyes turned to vase hanging on the other wall, "We must sort out our problems"

"There's still the inquest…" Aristotle reminded Alexander, as Alexander sighed and turned away slightly,

"I know, my mother… right" he took in a deep shallow breath and pursed his lips for a moment,

"Well… it's a good start at least" Aristotle said cheerily, walking away from Alexander, "… you've just begun your role as King with many more events to come!"

"Yes, many" Alexander whispered softly to himself as Aristotle seemed to dance down the corridor to talk to Craterus.


	20. Part 29

Alexander could hear the men talking in soft whisper. The gaggle had changed to quiet chatter, as Alexander turned in towards the door way. It seemed the men had been doing this regularly, as he could hear Parmenion bring up the next point of order, and papyrus scratching on the table. Alexander cocked his head slightly up against the door, and heard what he thought he would never hear.

"He's a filthy mongrel!" Cassander was the first to speak ill of Alexander, Alexander could feel his heart race in his throat,

"He may have elected his counsel, so what? We need action against his mother for once, the real reason why he is King…" Cleitus said softly, the rest of the table nodded.

"I was talking with Olympias earlier today, there does seem to be something she is hiding" Parmenion admitted, "She does seem to know a little more"

'Since her son refuses to expose her, than we will… we will have too before this gets out of hand" Cassander muttered angrily, as Alexander's eyes widened with fright and disbelief.

"I still firmly believe that it was a conspiracy" Cassander said, reaching out for his goblet, "Mother and son together kill Philip because he had a new family and new heir to the throne"

"Come, Cassander. Not two moth ago you were saying that you would've killed Philip for the throne" Cleitus bickered, Cassander's haunting cruel eyes stared at him,

'… someone took care of that for me, I firmly believe we should inquest Alexander too"

Alexander couldn't breathe. The black armour he was wearing was making him choke as he tried to shift the weight of it slightly. They were minutes ago applauding him and now they were accusing him of his father's murder. How had he not known these things before hand? They were planning on an overthrow?

"I think it is time we did what Macedon needs us to do" Cassander bickered, " If Alexander doesn't host an inquest by next weeks end, then we will have to take care of this business ourselves"

The table nodded and applauded Cassander's ideas, as Alexander who felt sick and disgusted, ran the steps to his mother's room. He would find out now, He would demand it. He would get the answers out of her and that would be end of this madness.

" She wouldn't kill my father… she wouldn't" Alexander kept repeating it until he reached the top of the stair, " she wouldn't kill my father… she wouldn't _dare"_ Alexander sneered and with a loud bang the doors flied open to his mothers' chamber and the end of the lies once and for all.


	21. Part 30

Authors Note: ... I won't write the script out cause that is a waste of time. We all know what the fight is between Alex and Olympias, and it's a beautiful piece anyway so I won't add anything to it. Just in case you are wondering why I skipped the fight 

Also, you guys (like the author) have waited for some compassion in Alexander, so here it is.

Alexander felt defeated and deflated after his encounter with his mother. Again she wouldn't tell the truth, again he felt forced to abandon her. The men doubted his leadership; he couldn't have this.

For long he wanted to be a strong and courageous leader, one that was ambitious and strong willed. He wasn't achieving this at all, as he slinked past the other men standing around, hiding his tear stained face from them all.

Again he was crying. He felt so useless. He couldn't go to Hephaistion; why was Hephaistion the strong one in their relationship? It made no sense, he was _King_ not Hephaistion. He was the leader, not Hephaistion. Yet as he closed the door to his bathroom, collapsing to the ground; so much heartache and pained coursed from his body through his tears, he felt rejected, abandoned and nothing like the leader that he was born to be.

"Alexander?" a soft voice called in through his locked door, Alexander pondered who it was for a moment, and then he realised who he had left in his room a few hours before hand,

"Hephaistion" he coughed, trying to stifle his tears.

"... Are you all right?" Hephaistion asked him, pressing his hand up against the door, "I saw you coming in, you are crying..."

"Aren't I always?" Alexander said bitterly, "I thought you would've left? Haven't I done enough to deter you?"

"No, Alexander" Hephaistion said gently, Alexander sighed deeply, closing his eyes for a moment,

"... How could you defend me, defend what I've become?" Alexander questioned, "It doesn't seem right... I bring you down, I have hurt you, and I have caused you to hurt yourself..."

"All in the name of love" Hephaistion assured him, "I wouldn't have done so otherwise"

"I am a horrid fiend, Hephaistion. I want you to understand that you are never the cause of my grievances... I am sorry about what happened..."

"Your apologies are from the heart, Alexander. That is certain; but I don't want an apology... all I want is you" Hephaistion said into the door, as Alexander glanced up at it. He stood up and opened the door a little to him; Hephaistion stared straight at his face, like he was searching his soul all over again.

"How is it you don't judge, when so many others do?" he asked, tenderly stroking the side of Hephaistion's face, he reciprocated by doing the same.

"It's not my place to judge you Alexander; it is but to love you" Hephaistion pulled Alexander tightly against him, lifting Alexander's chin to meet his, kissing him softly. Alexander closed his eyes and delved deeper, pulling a little at Hephaistion's hair, massaging his fingers through the blonde tuffs, before releasing.

"I've wanted a kiss like that for so long..." Alexander smiled, his eyes still closed a little,

"I've waited to give you such" Hephaistion was also smiling, and there he saw the young Alexander. Not King, not noble blood, just humble, beautiful Alexander.

"We are leaving for Persia tomorrow, Hephaistion and I want you to come with me" Alexander insisted, scanning over Hephaistion's face,

"Would it be worth it? Wouldn't I just interfere with what you have to do...?" Hephaisiton asked,

"You are a soldier, yes?" Alexander asked him, he nodded.

"Then your place is with the army... just not _with_ the army" Alexander laughed, Hephaistion's face broke into a smile. He loved the way Alexander laughed; his whole face glowed like the colour of his hair, shimmering across the edges of his jaw to his lips.

"You have made me worry... I thought that it was over between us" Hephaistion admitted, as Alexander shook his head,

"Never Hephaistion" Alexander shook his head, hugging him tightly again, his arms wrapped around his body like a shield,

"... I'm glad to hear it" Hephaistion felt as if he could breathe again, as Alexander kissed the top of his forehead,

"Now... I know you hate it when I leave, but..."

"I know Alexander, but now ... You'll come back quickly" Hephaistion smiled, and kissed the corners of Alexander's eyes, Alexander smiled, and rested his cupped hands against Hephaistion's cheeks,

"You are so wonderful" Alexander gushed, as Hephaistion's face turned red from the flattery. Alexander laughed again, for the second time Hephaistion could see happiness in his Kings eyes and knew, just _knew_ if he said anything about Cassander that it would all begin again. All though Hephaistion was still in pain, the smile on Alexander's face was worth more. He watched Alexander walk away with a spring in his step and immediately felt enlightened, that he didn't want or need to know the rest of the troubles plaguing the Kingdom; but he could hear a soft and desperate cry creep out from another room, a woman's sad and desperate sobs, and he would only need one guess to know who it was. Heartache like no other, a woman scorned and tears only a mother would shed.

-


	22. Part 31

Authors note: Ever wonder why Hephaistion insisted Alexander bring his mother to Babylon? I always thought that a bit strange. This is just to clear it up in my head about how that worked out.

Hephaistion was compelled to go towards the sound of Olympias crying. His caring nature found himself standing to the door of Olympias' room; he knocked and then walked in to find her sitting down on the floor, a basket of snakes at her feet.

"Olympias?" he asked her, Olmypias looked up at him, through her teary eyes, smiled weakly.

"Oh Hephaistion... you are drawn to weeping beauties" her eyebrows rose slightly, and Hephaistion nodded, crossing his arms.

"I am drawn to those in pain, yes" Hephaistion admitted coolly, "Things didn't go well with Alexander?"

"Like they haven't between the two of you for the last couple of months" she snapped, "it will pass"

"Alexander isn't going to be a pushover, Olympias. You're not being sincere..."

"I told him what I know!" she growled, "How dare you ask me these things!"

"You wouldn't be sobbing if there was some truth to what everyone believes" Hephaistion's voice lowered, "what is it that you are hiding?"

"_Not your concern"_ Olympias hissed just like her snakes slithering along the ground.

"What have you got to lose in the truth?" Hephaistion asked her, "Surely if you've done nothing wrong..."

"Tricks Hephaistion?" she questioned, "Did you _truly_ believe I was silly enough to fall for that?"

"No, but for the sake of the relationship between you and your son, you should consider it"

"I don't know, and that's the end of it" she said flatly, and moved the snakes back into the basket, gently closing the lid.

"You really don't want to see Alexander again, do you?" Hephaistion muttered lowly, as she got up and walked away, her long flowing night gown shimmered under the lamp lights,

"... It's Alexander's choice whom he believes; he is so much like Philip. Unfortunate, but true" she said softly, turning to look at Hephaistion, Hephaistion sighed.

"He loves you so much..." he whispered, as she paused at her small shrine to Dionysus,

"I love him, he is my eternal light" she agreed, but didn't say anymore.

It was then Hephaistion truly, even though how crazed Olympias was, that she did truly love Alexander. Now Hephaistion found it hard to accuse his lover's mother of anything but smothering Alexander, doting on Alexander... providing for Alexander. He lowered his gaze to the ground and thought for a moment,

"I will try, My Queen" Hephaistion looked directly at her, "I will try to convince him he is wrong"

Olmypias felt as if her heart was going to explode with delight, as she put her hands together and thanked Dionysus,

"Thank-You Hephaistion, though I doubt your successes" and then she started weeping, a burden off her shoulder had finally been lifted. Hephaistion watched her cry silently for a moment, and then, his arms outstretched; he embraced her sobs with a tight and warm hug.

Olympias was shocked at first, but as Hephaistion gripped her closer she felt more relaxed and at ease, she rested her head on Hephaistion' shoulder, and Hephaistion would hug her till he felt she was ready to let go.

-


	23. Part 32

Authors Note: I have been away for a while because I started Uni this week; sorry it has taken a while to get back into writing.

Alexander had everything packed up by the evening. All the armour had been stored in crates, being carried and put into storage on the boats. Alexander watched from his carriage for a moment, as all the soldiers marched singular file into the into the holding bay, thousands or more cramming into other smaller boats, barely big enough to a hundred people yet alone hundred people and their luggage.

Hephaistion also watched out the window, his hand gripped Alexander's thigh as a sign of encouragement, Alexander sighed. His throat felt parched and his mind was racing as he pulled Hephaistion close to him for a quick nervous kiss.

Hephaistion sighed and stroked the side of his face,

"What if this doesn't work and I look a fool?" Alexander whispered after their embrace, Hephaistion shook his head,

"… you're never foolish, Alexander" Hephaistion smiled and hugged him tightly, as he watched Cassander and Cleitus pull up in a carriage beside them. Hephaistion helped Alexander down and Alexander went over to them; shaking their hands. Hephaistion grimaced as Cassander nodded at him, he didn't do it back.

"It is a full moon, this shall aid our journey somewhat" Cleitus smiled, as Alexander nodded, Hephaistion stood silently, his arms crossed over disapprovingly.

"We're sorry to hear about Olympias, Alexander" Cassander lied, "We know how important she is to you"

"… All in the name of progress and truth" Alexander said softly, Cassander smiled softly and patted his shoulder, "maybe later, when you are better settled, you shall resolve this problem?"

"She still outwardly denies it" Hephaistion protested finally, "I spoke with your mother, Alexander. She is genuine in her knowledge"

Alexander glanced at him, an awkward contorted expression formed across his face as he nodded and turned back to Cassander and Cleitus,

"Such a pretty face could fool anyone" Cleitus muttered, glaring accusingly at Hephaistion, Hephaistion' eyebrows rose slightly,

"Clearly you are mistaken, Cleitus. I have no sexual feeling towards Alexander's mother…. Just Alexander" Hephaistion smiled a little, as he could see Cassander grinding his teeth in disgust,

"Let us not argue, we have to travel together, all in the same boat…" Alexander waved his hand a little, and their attention was drawn back to him again.

"All right, my King" Hephaistion said softly, as Cleitus and Cassander grinned stupidly and climbed aboard the vessel. Hephaistion waited til they had disappeared before he grabbed Alexander's arm, holding him still for a moment.

"You invited them to stay on our boat? Even though they have plotted to kill you?" Hephaistion bickered; the tension flickered through his blue eyes like electric shocks,

"To let them see I know their lies" he paused for a moment, is a sure why of dying early" Alexander's eyes lowered to the ground, before trailing back up to Hephaistion's, Hephaistion's eyes were sad and deep, concerned with worry and affected by some deep troubles. No matter how Alexander had tried to find the secret he was hiding, he remained unsuccessful, he brushed Hephaistion's arm softly, and his fingers trickling down like water across Hephaistion's skin,

'Trust me Hephaistion, for I am not blind" Alexander whispered and Hephaistion nodded.

"_I have no choice_" Hephaistion said to himself, and followed Alexander, Cleitus and Cassander aboard the vessel that would take them to Guagamala and the beginning of Alexander the leader.


	24. Part 33

Authors Note: Sorry I haven't updated regularly. I recently got a chest cold that has made me feel really sick and uncreative. But I've cleared up a bit, so here's the next chapter. ;)

Alexander watched as the other boats drifted slowly into the jagged rocky edges of the Persian coastline. Hephaistion came up and stood beside him, his arm draped loosely around Alexander's middle, as he watched Alexander watching the other ships, he was smiling a little,

"What?" Alexander asked him,

"Nothing, you just look beautiful today" Hephaistion admitted, and Alexander smiled.

"Thank you for the compliment" Alexander said softly, turning away from him again, as Hephaistion looked at him blankly, he was expecting more than that.

Cleitus and Cassander came outside, and Hephaistion dropped his hand from Alexander's waist, Alexander turned to look at them, and they greeted him with a goblet of wine.

"Isn't it early for wine?" Hephaistion asked Alexander, Alexander shrugged,

"I can hold it, Hephaistion" Alexander coolly replied, as Cleitus and Cassander also raised their goblets, Hephaistion wasn't offered the token.

"Ah not to worry Hephaistion" Cleitus mocked, "Wine is not meant for the _weak"_ he slurred a little, as the bottle resting on the table clearly showed to Hephaistion how much Cleitus and Cassander had been drinking.

"We're close to landing. I want the troops to set up immediately; we shall hide in the mountains, just a little out of sight. The battle shall be forged on the great brown plains of Guagamala; I hear the master of this army trains his men there" Alexander's eyes were fixed on the sand and rocky cliffs ahead of him, as if entranced by the size and shape of the huge towering structure, like it was welcoming him, unlike his trials at home.

" We shall have the men prepared for battle in no less than 3 days. He is moving quickly through these lands; if we are to trap him, we have to get him now" Alexander said sternly, Cleitus and Cassander nodded, Hephaistion looked over him with worry and concern.

"In no shorter than a few months will Babylon is ours, we shall roam freely, and build cities and homes"

"Your mouth runs off before your body has started" Cleitus laughed, "If we were to lose, then what?"

"We go home, but I guarantee you Cleitus, we shall not lose" Alexander steely gaze caught Cleitus'; Cleitus backed off a little and just nodded.

"Good, prepare for landing. We are getting close" Alexander turned away and walked into his quarters, as Cleitus and Cassander both left together, Hephaistion did the only thing he knew to do; that was to follow Alexander.


	25. Part 34

"You should be packing" Alexander said as soon as Hephaistion entered the room,

"I shall, but first I came to see if you were all right?" Hephaistion asked tentatively, Alexander nodded, and muttered a little, fingering his blonde tuff of hair out of his eyes,

"I am great Hephaistion" Alexander responded, turning around to him. "Don't worry about me"

"But I do worry" Hephaistion mumbled, "We're on the verge of fighting a war and you say not to worry"

"You may worry bout that all you like, I said not to worry about me" Alexander corrected him, as his hands lingered over another goblet close to his bedside, Hephaistion pulled him away.

"How shall you fight if your mind is spoilt?" Hephaistion said clutching his hand tightly, Alexander shook him away,

"I am in control of my drink, Hephaistion" Alexander bickered, "What is wrong with a drink or two?"

"Or ten? Alexander you must admit you've been drinking a lot since we came aboard this ship?"

"Your jest is getting wicked" Alexander commented, walking away from Hephaistion.

"It's not jest, it's never jest. I'm concerned for my lover, for my friend…"

"Maybe you should be concerned about yourself" Alexander said viciously, "It seems you have forgotten your purpose on this trip"

"What purpose is that?" Hephaistion grunted, frustrated by Alexander's bickering and ignorance,

"To be by my side and never judge me" Alexander cried softly, "isn't that what you promised me… to never ever judge me?"

"It's not a judgement, Alexander…." Hephaistion sighed, "Its worry…"

"Worry is a form of judgement, it means you don't trust something I'm doing… it means you think I would _deliberately_ hurt myself"

"Well aren't you?" Hephaistion argued, "Aren't you?" he pulled Alexander close to him, so that their mouths were only a few millimetres away from each other, Alexander's heart was racing as Hephaistion kissed Alexander first. Alexander closed his eyes as Hephaistion held him tighter, he then exhaled and pulled away, leaving Alexander feeling stunned and dizzy.

"Those lips need no added flavour" Hephaistion smiled, and Alexander just watched him, feeling confused and angry still by it all, as Hephaistion lingered at the bathroom door for a minute, before closing it.


	26. Part 35

Authors note: An expansion, if you will, on Alexander's thoughts and feelings before and after that really beautiful scene in Alexander where he is crying, surrounded by the dead on the battle field.

"YOU CAN RUN TO THE END OF THE WORLD YOU COWARD! BUT YOU'LL NEVER RUN FAR ENOUGH!"

Alexander pulled the reigns on his horse, as he watched the tyrant escape the punishment that Alexander _longed_ to give. Alexander turned slightly, and Cleitus, Cassander, Hephaistion all came up beside him. Alexander could taste blood on his lips, salty, dirty and thick. He couldn't get it off no matter how many times, back at the camp, he washed it from his face. He could hear them screaming, the thousands of men wounded on the field, as he kept washing the blood off his hands and his face. Even though gone, he continued to wash until his skin was raw from viciously scrubbing.

"Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, noticing immediately the open wound on Alexander's leg which Alexander was ignoring.

"You're injured…" Hephaistion felt a stabbing pain of anxiety as Alexander looked at him drowsily; his mind was clogged with thoughts of screaming men, decaying bodies, blood and grime. He tipped the dirty water on the ground and poured fresh water into the basin, dipping his all ready clean hands into it, scrubbing away again. Hephaistion watched him silently for a moment, before grabbing his arm.

"Alexander, please?" Hephaistion said softly, resting his lips on the side of Alexander's forehead,

"It's never going to wash away" Alexander muttered, as Hephaistion towelled of his hands, holding Alexander like a mother would a small child after bathing. The water dripped down Alexander's front, trickling down his leg to his wound, which was stinging and throbbing, bleeding profusely.

"Sit, Alexander" Hephaistion told him, Alexander shook his head.

"You must rest" Hephaistion told him, "It's been a long day"

"While thousands of our men are dying, I as their king shall rest in his chair? Never would I abandon those that fought for my cause, Hephaistion. I said it before, and I'll say it again, I'm not my father'

He limped away from Hephaistion, as Hephaistion remained silent and still. Things wouldn't be the same between them again, he realized. Alexander had done what Philip believe he never could, become a King, a soldier and a leader of an army, to which Hephaistion knew its consequences.

"My King, you're hurt!" one of the men exclaimed when Alexander limped into the hospital tent, he told him not to worry about him and to go and tend to someone else. He was ignoring the pain, like he had learnt to when he was younger. He walked over to one of the young dying men, he knelt before him, and he could see in the boys' eyes he was fearful. Tearfully Alexander knew that this boy wouldn't live, and held his hand until a fatal blow to the back of his head would kill him.

Death surrounded Alexander. Slow, agonizing and remorseless death. He tried to close his eyes, he tried to take the images away by thinking of other things, but nothing he could think of could take his thoughts to something else. He forced back his tears, as the dead and the dying meshed into one in his mind.

Hephaistion had remained alone in Alexander's tent, but fearing the worst for his King he went out to see where Alexander was. Alexander was stumbling out in amongst the rows of dead, the dying horses, the blood soaked sand.

Tripping, stumbling, almost falling over the corpses, Alexander made a path through the dead. He wasn't sure why he would walk amongst them, but he could hear voices in his head, talking, yelling. He saw his mothers face cast a ghostly shadow, and looking skyward, he wandered where his eagle had flown, for all he saw were vultures. He shuddered, almost sick with the thought. The stories of old were flowing through his brain and out again, the man whose liver was to be plucked out for eternity for the creation of fire, would Alexander be submitted to the mercy of the sun god too? Or was he all ready?

He knelt down and started sobbing, tears flowing from him that he hadn't shed in quite a while. It wasn't just his unfortunate circumstance, but the way that everything had built up to a beautiful moment and came crumbling around at his feet. He could hear someone moving behind him, and he turned slightly, above him, Hephaistion stood, a warm and radiant glow encased his body as he took Alexander's hand.

"Come, Alexander" was the only words Hephaistion told him, and helped Alexander to stand. "We have Babylon to explore" Hephaistion smiled, as he held Alexander upright.

"He is still _alive_" Alexander said bitterly, "We have nothing"

"They run, don't they? They run from the greatest King in the entire world" Hephaistion praised, as a weary defeated Alexander rested against Hephaistion's chest,

"You still believe that?" Alexander asked him, "even after all of this?"

"What is a war without its deaths? It would be like a play without its characters. Everyone needs to do their part and they knew that, and they respect you for it" Hephaistion told him, Alexander shook his head,

"Then why do I feel I have betrayed them? Taking them away from their homes to be slaughtered?"

"The opposing team have far greater losses, Alexander. Your dead is merely a cut at the surface, they lost most of their defence"

Alexander grunted, pushing Hephaistion's hair away from his neck so he could nuzzle in closer. Hephaistion could feel the itchy skin of Alexander's cheek, comforted by this he sighed,

"What matters is you and I are alive, Alexander" Hephaistion whispered, "As long as we're together, that what else matters in the world?"

"The world, Hephaistion" Alexander retorted, "I want this to be the beginning of something grand"

"And it will be" Hephaistion smiled, "you just have to trust it"

Alexander nodded and allowed Hephaistion to walk him away from the death and destruction that once plagued his mind. So what if the sun god would be angry at man for creating fire? Man was intelligent and knew that this action was necessary. Just as Alexander knew now that death was merely part of the game of war; as long as Hephaistion was there to convince him that, there were no worries, until his time came at Babylon.


	27. Part 36

As Alexander walked into Babylon's humungous golden doors, he felt a rush of relief overcome him like a giant wave on the roughest sea. He was standing at the precipice of his kingdom, of his creation. He glanced to his side and saw Hephaistion, his beautiful companion, the one who convinced him of his greatness; yet he looked frightened, a bit pessimistic of their surroundings. Alexander gripped his shoulder, Hephaistion smiled at him.

"Alls well, Hephaistion" Alexander told him, his eyes were bright and full of life, but his companions were dark and worried,

"Yes, there's no need to give off such a bad face!" Ptolemy announced laughing, and the others all joined in. It was fun to laugh at another's concerns, considering that there was no obvious cause for it. It was subtle to Hephaistion that there was something very wrong about Babylon, something very, very wrong.

Alexander lay down on a beautiful gigantic bed as he blonde hair tangled up between the royal blue and red pillow slips, he looked immediately relaxed, at home and content. He was smiling more than ever, his eyes were sparkling with excitement, as he beckoned Hephaistion to his side, as the other men all played with things around the gigantic room.

"This shall be our quarters, Hephaistion" he whispered, stroking Hephaistion's thigh, as Hephaistion tried not to laugh at the giddying sensation of Alexander's touch,

" This room is beautiful, Alexander" was all Hephaistion could answer his King, as Alexander closed his eyes briefly, a healthy glow spread out across his face, like a golden light had just escape from his soul out onto his skin.

"There are other matters…" Hephaistion said finally, breaking the smile on Alexander's face, "Other things we need to talk about, your mother for instance?"

"That isn't a concern" Alexander snapped back quickly, Hephaistion almost jumped out of his skin it was that quick,

"Surely you'd rather have her here, than in peril?" Hephaistion asked him, Alexander grew cold to the question and sat up, turning away from him.

"When I was younger, I always said to her, that I would protect her no matter what. In my youth I did pay for such acts of courage, and she remained alive and well. With my father gone, there is no threat to her life, she doesn't _need_ me anymore"

"She is your only family, Alexander" Hephaistion paused briefly, reflecting over his conversation with Alexander's mother, "It's not a matter of needing; it's a matter of love. Do you still care for her?"

Alexander bit his bottom lip, "I don't know"

Hephaistion eyebrows rose slightly at Alexander's distant answer, "she is your mother?"

"What of your family? Or Cleitus' family? Cassander's?" Alexander retorted bitterly, "Do _they _not matter? Do _they_ not need you, or Cleitus, or Cassander?"

Hephaistion glanced at Alexander, "your family wants you… my family, doesn't know what they want, and doesn't care half as much as yours"

Alexander laughed, "Care? My mother's only concerns are for herself, she may say she cares for me, but all along she has deceived me"

"Alexander she hasn't been deceiving you, you know that these men you hang around with are the liars"

"Does that include you? Are you lying to protect my mother?" Alexander asked, his gaze narrowed on the bridge of Hephaistion's nose,

"What would I hide from you?" Hephaistion protested, "There is nothing to hide"

Alexander sighed; he put a hand to Hephaistion's face, his fingers spayed out across the soft skin of his cheek,

"I think… you and I, should spend less time together" Alexander choked out each word, as Hephaistion's eyes widened,

"As much as I adore you, as much as you have done for me, I fear it is time for us to find our happiness … elsewhere" it was with that cold, heartless word that Hephaistion froze under Alexander's hand. He couldn't move, he couldn't speak, was he serious? Only a few hours ago Alexander said he was needed… and now, now he wasn't?

"But my King…" Hephaistion began,

"Save it Hephaistion" Alexander said softly, letting go of Hephaistion's cheek, "It is for the best"

Hephaistion was crying a little as Alexander turned and left him alone. Hephaistion still followed Alexander, but he would walk meters behind, and wouldn't look at Alexander for more than a few seconds. As they embraced the beauties of this foreign land, and Alexander would succumb to more then one.

The first was a beautiful Persian Boy by the name of Bagoas. Intriguingly delicate, yet had features of carved masculine stone, Alexander delighted in looking at him, and wanted to feel the skin of this man under his fingers, long forgetting, to Hephaistion's dismay, the touch of cream for the taste of chocolate.


	28. Part 37

Alexander kept his pact; he didn't go to Hephaistion any more. For many nights Alexander would go to bed alone and think that his decision to separate himself from Hephaistion was wrong, but as the days progressed, and their trip through Babylon, defeating countless more enemies drew to a close, Alexander didn't feel he didn't the burden of love on his shoulders.

Until one night, when an array of beautiful music entwined his senses, the wine surely played its part, but as he sat and chat merrily with the hoards of supporters around him, his racial unity coming together nicely, anything was an option for Alexander. Even Women.

Her name was Roxane, and she was a dazzling beauty. The colour of her skin was mocha, like her almond shaped eyes that were dark and vibrant behind long black hair. Alexander found her intriguing, even more so when they spoke of her virgin hips.

Alexander wanted to know what a woman felt like, and it was his primal urge. He wasn't sure if it was the alcohol that was talking, or whether he was in love with Roxane. She was beautiful to look at however, and when the music slowed and she collapsed to the ground in a final spin, Alexander walked over to her.

"King Alexander" she was startled, and almost tripped over as she stood up. Alexander took a hold of her hands, and smiled at her.

"What is your name?" he asked politely, all ready knowing it.

"Roxane" she replied, and blushed. "I know who you are"

"That's reassuring" Alexander laughed, she made him feel at ease, but he knew it must've been difficult for her.

"I'm not sure what it is that brings me to you, right now… but I assure you, it's filled with good intentions" Alexander started rambling, _ why was he frightened of her?_

"I'm sure it is, My King" Roxane smiled, and Alexander took in a deep breath,

"…. There is no easy way of saying this" he was flitting about like a school boy, as Hephaistion watched him, always watching him at arms length,

"I want you …. Even though I barely know you, to be my wife" Alexander said it all at once, that it looked as if she was more confused by the offer than happy,

Roxane turned to her elders who were smiling at her eagerly, insisting that she would marry this young King,

"My King…" she said, and before she could respond Alexander had all ready pulled her close to him and kissed her. Alexander loved the feeling of her breasts against his chest; soft, warm. He tightened his grasp around her as onlookers watched on, stunned by open spectacle.

He then released her, and Roxane felt as if her heart was going to explode into a million pieces.

"I accept" she said without hesitation, as a devastated Hephaistion's hands slipped against the wall he was leaning against.


	29. Part 38

"Are you going to ask why?" Alexander questioned Hephaistion straight away. He saw the look of resentment and anger building in Hephaistion's mind; he couldn't take watching it from afar any longer.

"What right do I have to question you?" Hephaistion asked him, trying to contain his tears as Alexander blocked him with his arms against the wall.

"Shouldn't you be with your wife?" Hephaistion said bitterly, as Alexander tried to look him in the eye.

"And watch you avoid me?" Alexander cried, resting his hand against the wall, "I cannot take that"

"Yet you can take her as a wife… and what will they all say now? Those conspirators? Whose congratulatory remarks to your face are really the lies that you despise?"

"I am trying to make peace with them" Alexander said softly, "What else can I do?"

"You could tell them the truth, Alexander" Hephaistion looked at him, his sorrowful eyes drifted over his face briefly,

"The truth, Hephaistion? Alexander paused for a minute, "They all ready know _our_ truths"

"They know nothing" Hephaistion bickered, "You're allowing them to walk on you, your willingness to please …. It will damage you"

"Hephaistion…." Alexander put his hand on Hephaistion's shoulder, "This conversation, it cannot happen here, can't this wait?"

"Wait until tomorrow when they've plotted your death? Or wait till your drink perishes your thirst?" Hephaistion glanced down at the wine goblet Alexander was holding precariously in his right hand,

"Why do you doubt me, Hephaistion? I marry this woman to protect us…"

"You marry this woman to protect Babylon, to protect Macedon… you marry for no other reason"

"For you" Alexander retorted fiercely, "All my actions are for you"

"Then I shall think of you making love to her has your first action and cry my tears elsewhere" Hephaistion choked and left Alexander standing there, knowing that morning to come would prove Alexander's reign in jeopardy, as well as his life.


	30. Part 39

"My King?" Roxane called him and Alexander turned to look at her. She looked worried, as her hand touched his gently; he looked down at her fingers which were moving generously up and down his arm until he pulled her into him, holding her for a moment not saying a word.

"You seem sad?" she asked him, her large eyes traveled across his face and then down again, as he sighed, still thinking about Hephaistion.

"We are to marry, no later than a week no sooner than a day" Alexander told her, and she immediately pulled away,

"What is it?" Alexander asked, she glanced at him, a look of worry in her eyes.

"My relatives, they… they must know these things so they can prepare for our marriage" her voice was soft and nervous,

"I do not need to ask permission…" Alexander laughed, "I am the King"

"You are the guest" she snapped slightly, Alexander seeing more in her than he expected, a fiery silent rage that brewed her, much the same as within Hephaistion.

"I take orders from no-one" Alexander muttered, "We shall wed when I want…"

"I will marry you…" crossing her arms she glanced angrily at him, "But it is in our lands traditions, Bactria's traditions, that my family and my kinsmen are present in a true ceremony…"

Alexander grunted, "They would not approve this action" Alexander said gruffly, as she smiled a little,

"What?" he snapped as she stood, her arms crossed,

"I thought you didn't take orders from anyone…. Make the decision to marry me a personal one" she spoke with a soft mutter but they were dark and controlling words. Alexander liked this in her, very much. Someone who returned his ideals would prove to be a great asset.

He smiled and nodded his head, "Fine, invite your friends and your family. We shall announce our proper marriage, of _both_ traditions, tomorrow"

----


	31. Part 40

"That was interesting" Cassander said softly, watching Hephaistion walk away from Alexander, Cleitus watched him out of the corner of his eye but didn't say anything.

"What was interesting?" he muttered pretending to have interest, but focusing on the ground before him,

"That Hephaistion walked away from Alexander" he said turning to face Cleitus, his face was bright, a smile across his face,

"Do you think that's going to change how Hephaistion will feel towards you?" Cleitus asked, 'you're lucky that Hephaistion didn't tell Alexander the first time you assaulted him…"

"It wasn't assault" Cassander retorted, "He was enjoying it just as much as I was"

"Yet he didn't reciprocate, and he didn't beg for more" Cleitus laughed, "You're just lucky Cassander he is forgiving…"

"No, he's just scared about leaving _him_" Cassander snarled, " but now that he has the girl… maybe Hephaistion will, come back to reality"

Cleitus snorted a laugh so loud it made Cassander jump. He turned around and glared at him, Cleitus was almost sliding off his chair. As Cassander stormed out, slamming the door Cleitus stopped,

"This is getting out of hand" Cleitus muttered, and spent the rest of the evening alone, drowning his sorrows in whatever he could find, his mind on a man who was lusting after another, but the lusted was all ready lusting. A complicated mess, so trivial and pathetic that it angered Cleitus greatly. The young boy he had grown to love was soon becoming too much for Cleitus to bear, and he wanted to get rid of him quickly.

So who would help him conspire? If it Cassander was chasing his prey, that who did Cleitus have left to persuade? Cleitus thought of many, and as he sat he thought hard about it. Until, something struck a chord. He went over to the window and glanced down at Philotas, who was busy training the young page boys.

Was it to be this simple? Get Alexander to kill Philotas a trusted childhood friend. Convince Alexander to kill his father and who would do such a thing? Cleitus grinned; he grabbed a pen and papyrus and started scrawling the best he could in Olympias style of writing.

_Get rid of the family once and for all, be done with it_.

-----


	32. Part 41

"You are making a terrible mistake!" Philotas screamed, tears running down his face as he pleaded with Cleitus and Cassander.

"But someone must instigate this, to protect our home. Do you want to see our great nation divided because of Alexander's silly conquest to dominate the whole world?"

Philotas shook his head,

"Why your father would be so very proud of you too" Cassander sneered, as he put his hand under Philotas' chin,

"I don't want to die!" Philtoas begged, "Why can't you do it, you want him dead!"

"Because!" Cassander snapped, "I have responsibilities of my own. Now, you're not going to get caught… I promise"

Philotas looked at him warily, suspicion rousing in his young mind;

"That is a binding promise" Philotas said, shaking Cassander's hand, Cassander grinned.

"Now… go and tell the page boy, the one who brings Alexander his morning meal and drink to report to me at once. Then you, shall prepare the riders who will escort you safely away from the encampment, as I and Cleitus will take care of Roxane, Hephaistion and anyone else that dares to question what we do for Babylon"

Cassander watched Philotas ride away to the page boys, as Cleitus came over to him and draped an arm around his shoulder.

'You honestly think that Alexander won't smell traitors a mile away?' Cleitus furrowed his brow, "The boy is good as dead?"

'And so be Alexander's ties to India…." Cassander smiled, "Once Alexander kills Philotas for conspiring against him, we shall move in on removing Parmenion, who's holding forces and the East's supply route. Cutting that off will be devastating for Alexander…. And bring us ever closer to his demise"

Cleitus nodded his head in silent awe and amusement,

"You enjoy torturing Alexander don't you?" he asked, and Cassander just smiled at him.

"It's for good reasons, I assure you" Cassander said, "The whole council wouldn't oppose… he is as good as gone, especially now he has married a barbarian"

'He still insists on marrying Hephaistion one day" Cleitus said softly, "He will not end his affairs with him"

"No, you're right" Cassander said solemnly, "He will fight for Alexander, so we shall have to find a way around that…" Cassander paused, "Make sure the drink is spiked, but clearly noticeable. That way Alexander will know foul play is afoot, and immediately execute those involved. We can save our surprises for Hephaistion, later. His suspicious mind would all ready bulges at the idea that we would try and kill the King"

Cleitus grunted, "He is overbearing, I say we get rid of him now"

"Too many _risks_" Cassander muttered, "We wait for that, this plan shall work"

Cleitus sighed and just nodded. How could he disagree with that? He could only hope it there would be truth to it.

----


	33. Part 42

Authors Note: Wow, I have been busy. Sorry this has taken so long to update, but assignments come first. 

The page boy was hit hard and fast by Alexander's fist as anger erupted from Alexander's mind. Who was trying to kill him? Why were they trying to kill him? The page boy took the abuse silently, as Alexander retracted his red hand and stood there, staring at him, the content of the goblet spilled out across the ground like blood.

"Who told you? Who told you to do this?" He said sorrowfully, trying not to cry as he held the boy's face with his hands, the boy shrugged and didn't say anything, gigantic sobs escaping his lips.

"Please, Please why… Why!" Alexander demanded, but he said nothing.

"You realise you could be executed for this! This is high treason!" Alexander exclaimed, rousing his sleeping wife who came outside to see Alexander beating into one of his young servants.

"My King!" she exclaimed, coming over to Alexander, "What is this? What are you doing?"

"Agh!" Alexander screamed in exasperation, trying to control his rage, as a soft slender hand encased his arm gently. He glanced at Roxane who was trying to calm his shattered nerves.

"Do you _truly_ think a servant boy would do this, Alexander?" she asked him, showing the ring glistening in the mid morning sun, he just stared blankly at her, his eyes showing his defeat and his sadness.

"He refuses to tell me the truth, what am I to do?" Alexander asked her slowly, as his hands loosened as the boy wriggled away.

"Ask him nicely, Alexander" she said to him, looking at the poor boy that was clearly shaken, "Ask him without force"

Alexander glanced at her with suspicion, why would she tell him to be gentle with someone was five seconds away from committing murder? Murdering the King of Babylon and Greece? He shook his head of the condemning thoughts and turned to the boy, his features softened a little.

"Please, I am sorry for hurting you but you must understand…. What you were asked to do, by whoever it was, was wrong"

"I know that, My King" the boy said softly, as Alexander knelt down to his level,

"Than pray tell, who was it?" Alexander asked him, and the boy took a breath.

If he told him it was Cleitus or Cassander Alexander would surely disbelieve him and he would be executed by Cleitus or Cassander, tortured even. If he told him it was his master how would he live with himself?

He paused, glancing up to Alexander's eyes, which were big with worry, and said slowly and very quietly,

"Philotas, my King. It was my trainer, Philotas"


	34. Part 43

Hephaistion, even though he tried hard not to think of Alexander, was thinking of him regularly. Every second of his day was filled with thoughts of him, and it was hard so hard to not pay attention to that feeling of lust, that consumed him entirely.

When Alexander walked into his tent one night, tears streaming openly down his face, the look that only someone in dire circumstances would give, big mouse brown eyes filled with fear and worry, he did what he would always do; comfort him.

"Alexander?" Hephaistion said softly, watching his King cry openly in front of him. It wasn't soft gentle tears, but massive, hard blobs sticking to his cheeks. Hephaistion waited, not sure if he wanted to go over in case Alexander would scream at him, but Alexander did nothing and said nothing, he stood, crying.

Hephaistion's mind raced as he tried to think of what had brought this on. Had he had a bad night with Roxane? He was wearing his ring he gave him after all. Hephaistion walked over to him slowly, as Alexander raised his tear stain face to meet his eyes. So much pain, he hadn't seen this fragile Alexander in a while.

"I trusted him all trust is gone now" Alexander choked out, as Hephaistion listened, standing extremely close to him,

"Trusted who, Alexander?" Hephaistion asked, as Alexander gazed up at him,

"Philtoas…. He just tried to kill me" it all came out so fast, Hephaistion couldn't take a minute to think of it. Alexander's eyes were steely and cold under his tears, Hephaistion stood there dumbfounded.

"Why would he do that?" Hephaistion asked, "He's never displayed any signs of wanting the crown"

"Secret men are the ones to be careful of" Alexander said sternly, as Hephaistion bit his lip; he surely was only referring to Philotas, wasn't he?

"Maybe he was told to do it, Alexander. Maybe there is more to this than what you have heard?"

Alexander's eyes said it all. He took in a deep breath, and closed his eyes briefly,

"Then what is your theory, Hephaistion?" Alexander asked,

"Perhaps it's someone who would benefit from such treason?" Hephaistion asked, "Someone who would've had political power at home"

Alexander thought for a minute. No, it wasn't possible. Cleitus would never; he was his father's ally. Cassander on the other hand… this thought scared Alexander silly and he furrowed his brow, glancing at Hephaistion,

"There's something between you and Cassander, isn't there?" Alexander asked Hephaistion, "Something unresolved?"

Hephaistion felt his heart skip a beat as he swallowed hard,

"No, there isn't" Hephaistion protested, "I am just suggesting that there may be others involved"

"Meaning Cleitus and Cassander?" Alexander said softly,

"Perhaps them, yes" Hephaistion admitted, "I have never trusted them, Alexander"

Alexander nodded to himself,

"I am finding it difficult to trust you" Alexander said coolly, and retreated back to his tent, as Hephaistion finally released the breath he was holding.


	35. Part 44

Authors Note: This does involve rape and abuse, hate to tell you. Alexander may have forced sex with Roxane before but this is worse because he is drunk and enraged with the idea his closest companions want him dead.

Roxane was worried about her new husband. He had become distant and distrusting. She played with the ring on her finger as she waited for Alexander to return to her; and when he did she saw something that greatly upset her.

The ring that Hephaistion gave him was on his hand. Its gold encrusted casing around a perfect stone shone in her face as she glanced up at her husbands'. He was looking worse, and drinking, but not from the goblet from the bottle.

"Why does everybody hate me?" Alexander slurred, coming into the tent, almost falling over as he stumbled subconsciously through the curtains to his bed. Roxane was still looking at the ring, not paying any attention to Alexander at all. Alexander came over to the bed and rested his hand on the bed head.

"My King" she paused for a minute, "you should rest"

"I cannot" he protested, "I fear closing my eyes, I fear being in this encampment. They are all traitors, they are all liars" his blurry eyes rested on her chest, as she stood up, coming over towards him.

"Alexander, rest" she said firmly, "Come, you need to sleep"

"I don't need sleep, I said!" he said angrily, grabbing her forcefully. He possessed so much force, even though he was intoxicated. He smashed the bottle on the ground and as the remaining droplets of the bottle escaped around his feet, he pulled her forward and kissed her fiercely, mangling her hair with his hands.

"Alexander stop!" she begged, pulling away. "Not like this! Why is it always like this!" she was crying, but Alexander didn't care. She hit him, like the first time they had sex, but instead of taking it he hit her back – and it was hard.

Blood spilled from her mouth as Alexander's fist slapped the side of her face angrily. She coughed, trying to regain her stability as tears spurted from her eyes.

"No, Alexander" she said softly, as the blood from her mouth stuck to her lips and to the corners of her mouth as Alexander's eyes were fixed on her chest. In a more panic stricken and desperate manner, unlike the last time, he clawed the clothes off her until she was bare.

He was more vicious, as he pushed her down, pinning her arms under the weight of his upper body, as his thrusts were hard and fast as she her mouth was smothered by his. Hot kisses, deep throated kisses encased her cries for help as Alexander would conquer her and resume his total control after almost losing everything.

He would not lose. He would not give in. He would not fall victim to their games. As he climaxed he gripped Roxane's shoulders so tightly, he left deep bruises and scratches in her arms and on her thighs. He pulled back and fell like a slain man on the battle field, his exertions clearly showing on his face as a tortured, crying Roxane tried to pull herself together.

Alexander could hear his heart beating furiously. He could hear Roxane crying, he could hear noises of low chatter outside of his tent. He couldn't move he was paralysed as he tried to regain his consciousness.

Roxane clambered out of the bed quickly, as she went over to the basin. Alexander could hear her dampening a cloth in water, as his eyes slowly trailed to the damage he had done. All down her legs were dark marks, some with dried blood around the outside. And long deep scratches on the inside of her arms. His mouth dropped slightly as his eyes tried to focus on what he was seeing. He was a monster. He was a torturer. He was no better than his father.

_His father_.

Memories flashed through Alexander's mind of his abuse against his wives. His mother suffered little compared to the others. That woman who was put to death for losing his child. How he had solemnly sworn that he would _never_ do that to a woman.

He gasped. He turned to look at Roxane again, and she glanced to look at him. Her eyes were puffy and red, and blood, dark blood was around her beautiful lips. He gave a deep gutted sigh, as tears sprang to his drunken eyes.

"Oh sweet Dionysius" he said softly, unable to move from where he was lying. He would remain in bed for the rest of the day, and would not emerge until the council meeting to convict Philotas of conspiracy to murder. He wanted to end it quickly; he cared little for its result.

He had become what he had never wanted to be, he was more than what his father was, and still, had the same dark heart. That heart that cost his father his life, and guaranteed the end of his own.


	36. Part 45

Authors Note: I've received some good news in the past week about my assignments for Uni so I'm going to celebrate my recent success with a few chapters of Alexander.

_"I do remember you, Philotas. But not as you remember yourself"_

"Please, Alexander on my fore fathers grave I swear ... I would never..." Philotas was begging for his life and Alexander didn't care at all. His morale, his high image of himself had dropped around his feet. He struggled within himself to give any reasons for why he saw Philotas as the instigator for his attempted assassination, but no words came.

He closed his eyes for a moment, before staring at the table lined up beside him. _Where was Hephaistion?_ He was missing out of the tribunal. He was missing from something that Alexander expected and needed him to be at. Alexander's mind raced with sudden desperation to end the trial quicker than it began, and the defence - there was none, because Cassander and Cleitus both agreed to kill the traitor, there was little or no discussion.

Maybe it was his mothers' doubts about Parmenion that drove Alexander to kill Philotas, or maybe Alexander just wanted to kill someone for the sake of killing them. For whatever reason, Alexander's mind was far from his mouth, as he told the guards to seize Philotas, charge him with the attempted murder of the King, and let that be the end of it.

As Alexander left, he could hear Philotas screaming. Saying names to the wind like the wind could save him. If Alexander was to be damned for his murder, than so be it. Alexander walked away just as Roxane came out of the tent. She saw him and made a dash, but Alexander caught up with her.

"I heard you are to kill Philotas" Roxane said straight away, "Do you really think it was him? What about his page boys?"

"All in due time" was all Alexander could say, "I'm so..."

"Don't" she warned, stepping back from Alexander. "I don't want your apologies. Go do what you have to do..."

"Can't you let me finish?" Alexander muttered angrily as Roxane turned away,

"Ah! Just listen to me!" Alexander exploded into a mass of frustration right before her eyes that it immediately evoked the painful memories of the night before. She ran before Alexander could grab her.

"Fine" he said bitterly, "If you want to be left alone, then alone you shall be" as he thought of everything he had lost in just a few days. He had lost Hephaistion's trust and faith, he had lost Roxane's warmth and understanding - and he had lost himself.

As his hand fell, and the skewer penetrated Philotas' chest, Alexander stood. His expression - muted disgust, far from the young boy who promised Babylon and Greece, his friends and importantly his family, that his succession would be great. Now all it was, as the funeral preparers came and took the limp carcass of his former friend and trusted trainer of his army, a great tragedy. Something Alexander could never repair and would only worsen as time progressed.


	37. Part 46

Hephaistion couldn't bring himself to watch the mayhem that was going on around him. His beloved Alexander was crazed; he had no other confidant to rely upon. He was very much alone, and very much aware of it. His eyes rested on Alexander as Alexander brushed past the gathering crowd, and into his tent - again.

He wondered where Roxane had gone, he saw her run. Hephaistion knew that Roxane was _never_ going to give Alexander the security, the love and the companionship that he needed, yet he foolishly believed Alexander would see those things in him.

Hephaistion noted other familiar faces in the crowd, and every time he saw Cassander his heart went that little bit faster until a swirling sensation would call him, causing him to stop. How could he ever want to be with him? How did he ever want that? He thought, but as Alexander spent more and more time wreaking havoc, Hephaistion's mind wandered to the possibility of more - more freedom, more romance, more hope.

Darkness fell quickly. As Hephaistion went down the path to Alexander's tent, ready to tell Alexander that he loved him and needed him, didn't care that people saw him as weak and stupid - he was stopped by a hand. Long slender fingers enveloped his shoulder and he stopped. He knew those hands well.

"You seem so lonely and lost" Cassander whispered softly, as Hephaistion remained where he was standing.

"Only you would make that assumption" Hephaistion said quietly, "I am going to visit someone, someone that I care about"

"Funny, it doesn't appear he cares for you anymore" Cassander said harshly, as Hephaistion's steely blue eyes met his,

"Jealousy consumes men, Cassander" Hephaistion replied, "I know Alexander is having troubles at late, but it still doesn't change how I feel for him"

"I care for you, I have always cared..." Cassander said softly as Hephaistion nodded; "If you cared you wouldn't have assaulted me to prove your point" Cassander sighed and pulled Hephaistion around to look at him.

"Since you've become part of Alexander's game; you've lost your spark" Cassander said solemnly, "You were the best at wrestling, the best at writing... the best"

"I can be second to my lover if I choose, Cassander" Hephaistion said gently, "I do not need to win"

"But you can't lose all the time" Cassander insisted, dropping his hand off Hephaistion's shoulder,

"Why does loving Alexander take so much from you? Don't you want him to give anything back?"

Hephaistion thought for a moment,

"Alexander gives back what I give him..."

"He used to but what now Hephaistion? Violence, threats, anger?"

"He is my King, Cassander. I understand his frustrations"

"You're being the pawn"

"Its love" Hephaistion said finally, walking briskly away from Cassander when Cassander's arm had dropped significantly,

"It's blindness" Cassander muttered angrily, "What is stopping you from seeing the truth?"

"The same thing that is stopping you from seeing your own" Hephaistion said sternly and Cassander retreated, defeated with the idea that Hephaistion could still love Alexander after the tyrant he had become.

"Soon, Cassander. Very soon" he said softly and went back to his tent.

-----


	38. Part 47

Authors note: Just a bit of clarity but the last line in the last chapter I wrote was actually Cassander talking to himself, not Hephaistion instigating anything with him.

Alexander rested his head against the back of the bath, his long slender muscular legs hung over the edge a little, as he tried to perish all thoughts of Hephaistion, of Roxane, of home and his mother. Everything he had, he had lost in the same fashion and it was growing to be a tiresome game with himself, trying to fight for what he believed in and losing the respect of his army and now his lovers.

"_Haven't you done enough?"_ A voice said lowly in Alexander's ear as he jolted forward.

"_Aren't you just a little concerned about this obsession with the East?"_ The voice continued as Alexander looked around the room, his eyes going to every darkened corner, he could see nothing.

"Who are you!" Alexander shouted, "I specifically requested no visitors to my tent!" he yelled out into the black, but it didn't serve him any good.

"_I'm you, you fool"_ the voice hissed menacingly, as Alexander shook his head, like a wet dog his damp hair swung backwards and forwards, drops of water flicking out across the floor.

"No, can't possibly be…" Alexander told himself, "I'm not crazy like my father!"

"_Yes you are"_ the voice told him, "_You're exactly like Philip. Those mutters you heard in your chamber as a child, of your father rambling away to no-one, that's exactly what has happened to you. It is what happens when you trade your soul…"_

"I've done no such thing!" Alexander screamed, "I would never!"

"_Now who is hesitant to admit his truths? You told Hephaistion everyone knows of them, yet I bet they didn't know you only think of yourself… oh, wait a second. Yes they do, and they hate you for it"_

"Nobody hates me!" Alexander lurched forward with his words, standing up in the bath; he almost fell out of it he was shaking, glaring around.

"Who are you? Come out so I can see your face!" he boomed, and then the low whispery voice stared laughing, chuckling in his ear as giant splashes of water hit the floor of his tent, as he stepped out, not toweling himself dry … a shaking quivering cold Alexander ran to every corner of the room, searching for his tormenter, and could find no-one.

"_I all ready told you, that its you" _the voice mumbled, as Alexander stopped in a corner of the room, squatting down against the wall.

"I refuse to believe that!' Alexander screamed, "I'm not like my father!"

"_I'd have to say different, look at what you've done to poor Roxane, and what you've done to Hephaistion, your closest friend time and time again…"_

"They weren't deliberate!" Alexander cried, "They weren't!"

"_No? Then why when you heard Roxane tell you no you persisted, or when you had struck Hephaistion times before did you not resist it? It's who you are and who you are born to be"_

"Nonsense! I can change that!" Alexander mumbled incoherently, " I don't have to be what I am!"

"_Your mother told you when you left her in Babylon this would happen. She told you that you needed to behave like a King, and now you act like a child. Your constant battles with yourself and your lovers have left grave thoughts with your men and delighted ones with your conspirators"_

"I know my enemies, I know their lies!"

"_They put one out in front of you, and you took the bait. Hephaistion is probably conspiring now, you had your chances and you lost them"  
_

"He would never do that to me!"

"_Like Philotas? Oh, tsk. I forgot you just killed Philotas" _

"In an act of self defense!" Alexander screamed, "He was trying to kill me!"

"_Oh, Alexander. You are so blinded" _ the voice mumbled, as Alexander had crammed himself tightly into the corner, tears were streaming down his face, as he cradled against himself, no-one was there to comfort him, he was alone.

"What would you have me do?" Alexander asked softly, "What is it that I need for them to respect me again?"

"_Send them home, that is the only way" _ it said, and Alexander shook his head like a rabid dog.

"No, I will not give up my dream to conquer the East! They can go home without me!"

"_Then tell them that, Alexander" _ the voice rebutted, "_Tell them you want to stay here… tell them they are free to leave. Or are you too cowardice to face the trails and trials alone?"_

"I am not a coward! I have brought these men far and will continue to do so! I have no self doubt!" Alexander bellowed, as the tent fluttered madly as if a giant gust of wind had come through,

"I have no self doubt!" Alexander screamed again bringing himself to his feet. He then threw on a long red silk coat wrapped a scarf around his middle and went to tell the men, that this is where they belonged, this is where they would finish his dream, this is where the true Alexander would reveal himself and his next plan of attack.

The Hindu Kusch, mountainous terrain and snow. The most far place in greater Eastern world and he would find it and find his path to home. Through those mountains he would bring his men their families and him his well deserved and long missed glory.

For the glory of Greece, Alexander would reign supreme again.


	39. Part 48

The fresh kill played on everyone's minds as Alexander addressed them. Half of them had been trying to sleep those days' events away but Alexander awoke them, they all grumbled and muttered lowly. It wasn't a good time to discuss anything.

Hephaistion came out of the tent he was hiding in, since his confrontation with Cassander had diminished his spirits, he no longer wanted to look Alexander in his eye, Alexander had become increasingly estranged from everything, as this tale of the greater trip through the Hindu Kusch would surely rest sourly on the minds of his companions.

"We have traveled far enough!" one of the men yelled at Alexander, as the low and steady rumble of angry voices echoed like cheers in Alexander's ears. He wasn't hearing them at all; he just waved the thoughts that had plagued his own rest, and would join Bagoas for a drink and something to eat, clearly by passing both Roxane and Hephaistion who saw him do this, and said nothing.

Alexander could feel Hephaistion's gaze rest on him as he stroked Bagoas' hair adoringly. Each strand slipping through his fingers, as Bagoas would gently nibble Alexander's neck, delicate and soft. That's what Hephaistion used to do to Alexander before all this started; it made him feel sick as he turned away from his King, as Cassander looked directly at him.

"No…" Hephaistion thought despairingly and left, expecting his King to follow his lead. Alas, Alexander remained where he was, and as the night drew on Hephaistion went to his tent alone.

---

"Hindu Kusch? So he plans to go farther East? Does he forget that he just killed Parmenion's son?"

"We shall have to remind him" Cleitus told Cassander as he watched Cassander repeat his actions of walking backwards and forwards in front of him.

"The letter? You said you were writing a letter… what was it for?"

"Just in case our plan fails, we have Olympius to thank" Cleitus shrugged, " In case that is our plan does fail"

"Pinning it on the Kings mother? How original" Cassander smirked but it wasn't light hearted, it was rather menacing as Cleitus pressed his hands to his lips so the tips of his fingers made a triangle, he nodded.

"Well, they all ready suspected her of killing Philip, at least that'd buy us some time if we were caught"

"Being found out, being caught? What kind of game is this Cleitus? I want to kill the King of Greece not play a silly game" Cassander snapped, still angry about his fight with Hephaistion.

"Don't panic yet, Cassander" Cleitus told him, "He still has a long way to go, the Hindu Kusch… well I'm sure Philip would've known there are no paths through those mountains. Dead walking tracks to nowhere… the kind of thing Alexander didn't listen to Aristotle about"

"Killing more of his men? He is a fool for this East" Cassander muttered, as Cleitus smiled a little.

"Now come, don't frown about it. There is still plenty of opportunity to strike"

"I still want him" Cassander said suddenly turning to look at Cleitus in the eye,

"I still want Hephaistion to love me" he said softly, retracting his gaze to the vase in the corner as Cleitus dropped his hands and stared at the floor.

"Yes, I know" was all Cleitus could muster as Cassander finally wet the lamp that was flickering in the corner; Cleitus' eyes remained opened for most of the night, thinking of why it was so that Hephaistion was so damn important to the King and to Cassander. He was just a lowly whore.

Then it struck him harder than anything Cleitus had had before. Kill Hephaistion, Kill Alexander. It was that simple. Then his rightful place at the right hand side of the true Macedonian King would be his, he smiled at the thought and plotted it long into the night, Unaware at that same time Olympius was doing her own plotting to get rid of someone she didn't want hanging around anymore, the dreaded Atalus.

Like mother, like son.


	40. Part 49

Alexander took the news of Attalus death on a whim; he wasn't particularly worried that he was dead, that he died a brutal death. The sudden death of Eurydice, who if his father didn't beat him to it he would've been married too, didn't matter either. He always knew that his mother was a vengeful, spiteful woman. One thing that didn't sit well with him was the thought that the baby, whom would've been his half brother, was dead too.

Alexander's thoughts were plagued by the ideas that he was responsible for killing fathers and brothers and husbands, leaving a streets and streams of screaming mothers and wives and daughters all without their protector.

Alexander never saw his father as a protector but rather a possessive selfish man, much the same as the King he had become. He pondered his mothers note with tired eyes as it slipped from his hand. In the weeks of being in the Hindu Kusch surrounded by nothing but hollow laughter and applause, Alexander was feeling deceived, alone more than he had ever had felt before.

Hephaistion walked behind Alexander with the other men, not sure whether saying something to Alexander would awaken a desire to comfort him or to yell at him. He wanted Alexander to come to him, to tell him he was needed and loved. Days turned into weeks, weeks into months and still Alexander showed no sign to Hephaistion that he missed him, but inside Alexander yearned greatly and it would almost come to late for Hephaistion to see Alexander's love again.

Cleitus and Cassander had been sent to kill Parmenion on strict orders from Alexander, when in fact, Alexander didn't want him killed. He wanted Parmenion removed from power, away from the army. Of course, Cleitus knew Cassander would take a more drastic approach, drawing people away from Alexander's power was the whole idea, but as he knew that Alexander would fight to remain King, Cassander knew he'd have to remove Alexander from power first.

The journey through the Hindu Kusch couldn't have come at a worse time for Roxane. She was on her menstrual cycle, and when Alexander approached her tent one night for sex she couldn't give it to him, Alexander immediately started yelling at her for not producing the son he'd always desired, that she was going to cost him his Kingdom – not understanding that Roxane had spent many months ill, not to mention exhausted from the travel.

The only person who gave Alexander his sexual desire was Bagoas, Bagoas being from the deep wide mountains of the south, his gentle eyes and girlish hands caressed Alexander in the way, Alexander remembered, Hephaistion did. Alexander drew a breath against his young lover as Bagoas worked feverishly for his King to reach climax.

Alexander bit his shoulder through the tension, and has Bagoas winced Alexander stopped and pushed him away.

"I'm sorry, Bagoas" Alexander mumbled, he was intoxicated and smelled vile, like something rotten had crawled out from his mouth and dribbled over his body. Bagoas wiped his matted black hair from his eyes and nodded. He didn't say anything to Alexander, unlike Hephaistion; he just got up and left instead of trying to talk to him.

Naked and sweaty in the swirling red of the tent he was in, Alexander was sick of waiting. Alexander was sick of tents, sick of hatred, sick of killing. Just so tired of being the one in charge, the one responsible for all the men's miseries.

Every day Craterous would report that another young one had died. It was becoming much to frequent as lack of clean drinking water and edible, digestible food was perishing. Alexander didn't take notice of these things however, but through his double vision he wasn't seeing anything straight.

Ptolemy came to see Alexander one night as the reached the summit of the mountain. Cleitus and Cassander and both returned from 'taking care of' Parmenion, and the whole army was excited and restless. Alexander told them all about the single path that lead out to the Ocean, a direct route home to Babylon was only a few hundred miles away. Alexander had sent more men to see if they could track the path, as he rested, the others all celebrated outside. It was one of the last joyous occasions Alexander would spend as King.

"My King" Ptolemy came in resting a clear glass of water on Alexander's bedside table, glancing around at empty bottles of wine, astonished and concerned but none the less, Alexander deserved to drink, it had been a hard time for all of them.

"Pt-ol-em-yyy" Alexander slurred turning around, almost tripping over his coat as Ptolemy observed his awkward actions, crossing his arms over as his eyes drifted over his sunken eyes and unshaven face.

"Alex?" Ptolemy said with concern, as Alexander tripped over, laughing for the first time in a while at his clumsiness as Ptolemy knelt down to him. His once laughing smile was soon replaced with tears and despair as Ptolemy stuck out his hand to the young King.

"Come, Alexander" Ptolemy aided him to stand, pulling him closer for a tight embrace, as Alexander hugged him so tightly.

"It's okay" Ptolemy said comforting him as Alexander met his worried brow with sorrowful eyes,

"All alone…" Alexander told him, "All alone.. All done and alone" Alexander mumbled as Ptolemy shushed his worries with his finger tips.

"You know what we're going to do right now?" Ptolemy asked Alexander and Alexander shook his head.

"We're going to go to sleep" Ptolemy told him as Alexander nodded. "So come, come and rest" Ptolemy led Alexander to bed and just as Alexander hit the pillow, frantic screams came billowing out and around outside the tent.

Alexander's eyes immediately jerked open as he got up out of the bed he was dying to sleep in and scrambled his way to the flaps of the tent.

"Persicus" Alexander shouted out into the dark, "Is that you?"

"Yes, sire!" Persicus returned Alexander's question, coming closer to Alexander, as Alexander approached him.

"What is it?" Alexander asked; as Persicus moved forward, see the tears streaming down his face in the soft light of the fires,

"There's no path out of here!" he said it all at once as Alexander shook his head, Ptolemy came out to stand beside him, and the others all stopped.

"What? How do you know" Alexander cried at him, "There's got to be more than one way"

"Dead ends sire! All dead ends!" Persicus insisted as Alexander's face darkened, the crowed gathered around him in awe.

"Not possible… it was said… it was said" Alexander mumbled, he began shaking terribly, seemingly crumbling before the others, as Hephaistion instinctively came to his side.

"It is! There's no way out!" Persicus shouted still in shock and disbelief.

The noise that Alexander hated the most started to echo around him, started to sink in around him. They were talking about him again. They whispered failure, they whispered he didn't care that he was a monster.

Alexander overwhelmed by what he wasn't hearing ran from where they had all gathered, back to the safety of his tent. Back to where only he would follow. As he reached it he fell, and wouldn't wake up for some time.


	41. Part 50

Authors Note:

Unfortunately, I am aware that some chapters are missing. In the time when my computer crashed and then crashed again, I didn't have any chance to save the missing chapters. but, a brief synopsis is as follows - Hephaistion tried to leave Alexander thinking he was doing more harm then good, until he came across an old lover of Philips' and spoke to him about love and relationships. he then went back to the army and was taken back to a disgruntled Alexander.

Now to continue;

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Alexander's blury vision wasn't improved as he awoke in the tent. He glanced around and gingerly got to his feet, not quite balancing as well as he used too.

His eyes wandered over the things inside of his tent, the red of his curtain drapes, the browns and blacks of his bear skin carpets. He then turned slightly to see

someone unexpected, someone who always appeared whenever Alexander was in dire need.

"My King" Hephaistion said softly, fully aware that Alexander would tell him to go away or not to speak to him. Alexander didn't say anything for a moment, perhaps it was since his throat was parched he grabbed the glass of water Ptolemy had left by his bed and swallowed it, it spilled messily over him until he was looking through the bottom of it.

"I'm sorry Alexander" Hephaistion said as Alexander dropped his glass, and crossed his arms.

"Sorry? you needn't be" Alexander told him, Hephaistion's eyes widened a little as Alexander spoke. _Was he serious?_

" I didn't want to move you, I was afraid that I might hurt you..." Hephaistion began explaining himself, Alexander shook his head.

"Its nothing" he told him kindly, and for the first time since their journey began, Hephaistion thought he saw remnants of the old Alexander before him.

"We haven't spoken in such a long while... I was beginning to think that you never wanted to speak to me again" Hephaistion said lowly, stepping inside the tent. He watched Alexander move slightly backwards, looking a little frightened by Hephaistion coming into the place where he had spent so many nights alone without him, without Roxane.

"Roxane... apologises for not pleasing you" Hephaistion said on her behalf, knowing to well that Roxane did feel awful for letting Alexander down in such troubled circumstances.

"Roxane... Roxane" Alexander said her name as if he didn't recall it, and then he suddenly awoke to the memory of so many nights ago. He squared his eyes so they were focused on Hephaistion and in an instant, Hephaistion knew Alexander was remembering what had just happened outside.

"We're still trapped" Alexander said softly, bringing his dirty hands to his face, wiping them down his cheeks.

"We're not trapped, Alexander. We have to send the men back" Hephaistion told him calmly, aware that Alexander wasn't going to think the same as him.

"We're trapped" Alexander muttered, " We're trapped, and I your king, am helpless to do anything about it" Alexander shrugged his shoulders, Hephaistion knew this moment would come. Where Alexander blamed himself for all misfortunes, where Alexander lost his faith in all things including, Hephaistion's trust.

"It was a simple mistake, anyone could have made it" Hephaistion implored, but Alexander didn't want to hear it.

"What are you doing here? We had an agreement not to see each other" Alexander said furiously as Hephaistion spirit dropped to the floor amongst the swirling blacks and browns of bear skins, he raised his eyes again to meet Alexander's, and he knew the old Alexander had gone. This new tyrannical dominator was back, and angry.

"It has been a hard journey, the men recognise the need to go through India now if we have any hope of getting back home to Babylon" Hephaistion kept speaking as Alexander dropped his robes before him. Hephaistion paused momentarily to see the once beautiful body of a young healthy man, scarred with dry scabby sores and bruises. Hephaistion knew, like the others that he had fought every battle with them, he had been through it all and didn't waver. The fact was however, as Hephaistion came to realise, the old Alexander had fast disappeared and given in to a King who had lost his bearings. Who had lost th whole meaning of leadership with a swig of a bottle, as Alexander brought another to his lips, Hephaistion could feel the tears coming to eyes.

" I shall leave, my King" he said despairingly, " May you... rest well tonight" he smiled weakly and exited the tent.

Alexander inside was screaming for him to come back. Of course, Hephaistion was never going to hear him say it. Words had disappeared like the contents of his bottles, as Alexander pulled on another coat and dropped to the floor.

"Where is my mercy?" Alexander screamed from the inside out, " Where does my Kingdom lie?"

Those answers of course, would never come. Alexander prepared to face the situation head on, through India they would travel. Through India, he certainly hoped the Gods would spare them.

"Home" he mumbled lowly as he laid down on the ground again, still pouring the disgusting brown liquor into his mouth,

"Home..." he whispered, like a fearful child afraid of what hid under his bed. He would wait for some clarity, before he would take on the men, their anger and concerns for another round of this, it seemed, never ending war of his world.


	42. Part 51

Authors note: It's almost bed time here where I am, I have work tomorrow and other things but I cannot resist updating this story for I have left it for quite some time.

Regardless, thank you to all those that have read this story and posted comments. It's appreciated, truly.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Hephaistion turned his head towards Cassander. It wouldn't be long, Hephaistion thought, where he wouldn't be able to stop himself from moving on, without Alexander. Alexander had led him so far, to the corners of the world, to the highest mountain peaks. Yet, Hephaistion heaved a tremendous sigh as he past the sleeping quarters of the other men, he didn't feel Alexander wanted to be close to him anymore, that he had pushed as far as he could go, and that was it.

Cassander passed the sleeping bodies of his companions, gentle not to wake them as he followed Hephaistion down towards the roaring fires, small embers flicking up like little kicks of baby light towards the moon. He could hear sobbing, and as he drew closer, those sobs became cries, deep, anguished cries.

"Hephaistion, is that you?" Cassander asked all though having a feeling it would be no other.

"Yes" Hephaistion said weakly, "Yes and I do not want you to come any closer" Hephaistion said softly, stifling his tears as he straightened up, still facing the flames.

"By Gods Hephaistion, look at what that pathetic fool has done to you, and yet you continue to suffer?"

"By my hand and by my heart I suffer dearly" Hephaistion corrected Cassanders' emphatic pleas, "Alexander suffers more so"

"Alexander, much like the rest of that bloodline, is like water. It flows and it spills over every land but when the rains cease to fall, it becomes just salty piles in the ground and the cause of dry throats and empty screams"

Hephaistion bit his tongue to that remark for a moment, his eyes glazing over Cassander. He was standing just a few centimetres away now, his arms unfolded, outstretched even towards Hephaistion. Hephaistion however, recoiled, crossing his arms over, glaring Cassander down.

"Do you not drink the rains when they are here?" Hephaistion scorned, "Do you not take what it gives and give nothing back?"

"Nothing but my service, Hephaistion" Cassander took a step closer; Hephaistion stepped backwards towards the fading fire. "Which you yourself, have given and received nothing back"

Hephaistion felt that dagger in his back long before the words came freely from Cassander's tongue. He stood his ground however and refused to answer any more of Cassander's offhand remarks.

"Does it not bother you that he hasn't made love to you in a good half a year?" Cassander asked Hephaistion, "That he has bed his barbarian wife, more than he has bed his sworn lover and best friend?"

Hephaistion coughed unwillingly at that comment, and turned to face towards the now smoking ash of the fire.

"Don't you realise that you are indeed, loved by others, Hephaistion?" Cassander asked him, a tinge of sadness in his voice,

"Like I have said many times, Cassander, I have no interest in other men, nor do I have interest in betraying Alexander"

"You're still a giddy fool for this man of crazed dreams, you yourself Hephaistion, were once so smart and courageous now just as foolish as the man you follow"

"He is still my King, and while he is still _our_ King you will respect him, and dare not speak ill of his family or his name" Hephaistion warned angrily, his blue eyes tore like bullets through the wall Cassander had built around him.

"Face the fact that I will never want you, Cassander" Hephaistion stepped around Cassander, refusing to look at him, "and go bed one of your own men"

Cassander felt the sting of tears come out of his eyes, forcibly. He tried to stop them, but too many had escaped his narrow eyes, and he looked out across the skies for answers. If Hephaistion was to remain the fool he was, so be it. He would, just like any other foe, defeat him and his beloved King.

"May the Gods have some forgiveness" he whispered, his features returning to a pale shade of pink as he clambered under the covers, tightly against Cleitus who was peacefully dozing.


	43. Part 52

Authors note: I apologise again for all those that have missed a fair few chapters. When my computer crashed, it took with it those chapters. I will _eventually_ re-write and upload them, but I am very busy and only have time to update the story thus far.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Alexander had terrible visions; worse ones kept coming as he tried to rest his tired eyes for a moments sleep. He was certain of a looming rebellion; he knew that the men would not react kindly to an extension of the journey; Alexander could only prepare himself so much before it came time to face the rabble.

If it weren't for the sheer magnitude of Alexander's power, Alexander would've died that day, there was no doubt about it. As the final instigators were put to death, Alexander couldn't help but feel a little victorious, even immortal.

Regardless, Alexander knew that the men would have to follow him. What other choice was there? Did they dare take on the jungle and its inhabitants alone?

Had he taken this too far? That was the question raging through the camp, were the men better off dead than serving Alexander? A few jeers here and there, a few quips about his oppressive kingship, but nothing more.

"_Through snow and sun we march on_

_We, that follow Alexander of Macedon_

_He who says he shall share his wealth_

_Lacks the courage! Lacks the stealth!_

_Shall we all perish from poor health?_

_Following the desolate King of Macedon"_

The men's songs meant nothing to Alexander; it didn't register with him how much he was despised by his fighters, how easily they could turn on him. He knew, however, how much they feared his own rebellion, his own anger and thus they stayed far away from him singing songs about his failed leadership, but never, not once, said anything more to his face about the situation in India.

His lack of sleep and the bitter taste of bile kept Alexander from taking to them. His sullen expressionless face ached with age and fatigue, as all he could do was try and resolve inside him the strength that he once possessed.

A few days passed before the reached a small palace deep within the jungle terrain that they were marching through. Alexander received note that Darius' old counsel had gone there, and that he was welcome to attend, Cleitus and Cassander didn't like this idea, but what was it to them? They were no more his advisors than they were just soldiers. Alexander accepted the invitation, and marched straight on in. His chorus of angry soldiers all excited about the prospect of clean water and food. Cassander and Cleitus however, had other ideas.

"You think now would be the time?" Cleitus asked Cassander, Cassander nodded.

"How else shall we dispose of him?" Cassander muttered, pouring himself a drink as watched Hephaistion stand close to Alexander, but not in touching distance.

"But here? It doesn't make sense…" Cleitus asked, annoyed. "Why not wait til we are back in Babylon? Then we can arrange this…"

"We tried to arrange Philotas did we not, and we succeeded nothing with that" Cassander bickered, "Here the wine is plentiful so Alexander will be distracted"

"I disagree; he will be more alert than ever" Cleitus pointed around him, "Look at these Indian's faces. All mighty Zeus would see a million murderers in the faces of these barbarians"

"Which is why it will work, Cleitus" Cassander grinned, "Which is why it will finally go to plan"

"Cassander I don't think it is wise…" Cleitus sighed, glancing around at the gaggle of people all talking and chatting, mingling with each other. "I have some news… I have just been…"

"Congratulations, Cleitus. Such a fine role for such a fine man" Ptolemy clapped Cleitus on the shoulder in passing as a few of Ptolemy's followers smiled at him.

"What was that about?" Cassander asked Cleitus, picking up some more fruit and biting into an apple with a sickening crunch.

"Oh, nothing" Cleitus shrugged, suggesting he knew nothing.

"Than, what was it you were going to say?" Cassander asked him, Cleitus resenting how sharp Cassander's mind was.

"Trainer of the army in replacement of Philotas" Cleitus admitted, there was some truth to it he thought as Cassander nodded.

"…. Odd, you the trainer of the army when you, almost as much as me, despise our newly enlisted soldiers?" Cassander mumbled, watching Cleitus' face contort and then relax when Alexander walked past.

"What is it really?" Cassander probed, but Cleitus pretended not to hear him and walked away.

The party had settled in nicely, just as Bagoas accompanied by Roxane were the last to come through the doors. Bagoas veered off towards the dancers, as Roxane sunk into her chair beside Alexander, feeling a sudden rush of sickness in her stomach as Alexander smiled at her; he was all ready drunk.

"Gentleman and ladies, welcome" someone said and the chatter came to a halt. As Cleitus took his seat, Cassander followed, but he remained well hidden in the back. Just watching the spectacle, he came up close to one of Cleitus' men and leaned in.

" I do not suppose you know what Cleitus' new role is?" Cassander asked and he shrugged. Ptolemy overhearing the conversation turned to look at Cassander,

"Whatever it is, it doesn't involve you. It's a private matter with Alexander and Cleitus"

"Since when does becoming a trainer of the army a secretive business?" Cassander pursued, Ptolemy looking away at Cleitus who seemed to have his hands wound up, his eyes glaring around the Indians angrily.

"When you're responsible for a whole state, it is very important" one of the men let slip, as Cassander's eyes widened.

"What?" Cassander asked, just as he saw Alexander go to Bagoas for a kiss.

Roxane couldn't remain in her seat for much longer. She disappeared up the stairs and to her quarters, but not before, Cassander noticed, Alexander followed her. Cassander then looked at Cleitus who was now on his feet, a dozen wine glasses surrounding him.

"_You won't make a very good Satrap will you, Cleitus?"_ Cassander could feel his heart racing a million times a minute, as he looked at Cleitus. So this is what was going on? This is what Cleitus was going to do? He was going to leave Cassander alone?

"_Let me rot in Macedonian rags than shine in Eastern Pump" _Roxane who had just gotten into bed after her sickness glanced out over the balcony at Alexander and Cleitus. Both of whom were intoxicated and speaking vilely of each other. _What of their son?_ She had only just found out she was pregnant, and now her husband was fighting with Cleitus, a man twice as strong as Alexander was?

"_You and your barbarian mother in shame!"_ There was a sudden large noise coming from downstairs, as Roxane peered over. Alexander had fallen back on his heels, his eyes wider than owls, and his face frozen in horror. She then turned her gaze to Cleitus. A giant black spear protruded out of his body. It had all happened so quickly. Scared of what would happen next she made a break for the door, but found there waiting two Indian guards. She couldn't go down to Alexander; she couldn't do anything but watch.

"Oh sweet Zeus!" Cassander hollered, knocking people over as he came towards Cleitus, hands outstretched, fear etched across his face as he scowled angrily at Alexander. The others around him were all trying to regain their breath, Alexander himself still hadn't moved from the ground.

Alexander could feel the sickness rising up from the pit of his stomach. So much had just happened; it was making his head spin violently. He tried to breathe, but he felt suffocated in his own body. For the first time in a long time, he could smell the sickly bitter scent of blood, for time first time in a long time; he had murdered someone in cold blood.

Bagoas wanted to go to Alexander, but he was pushed away. Kept in the background as the rabble intensified around him. Hephaistion clambered to aid Alexander, but Alexander pushed him away. Crawling, crawling like he had been stumbling. Crawling away from the mess the devastation he had caused again. All the while he was awake; the alcohol had faded through the tears streaming out of his eyes. He was very much alone, very aware of what he had done and very scared.

Hephaistion chased after him but he was blocked but servants of Darius' counsel, who came to Alexander's aid and helped him to stand. They then beckoned Bagoas who would lead Alexander to his private quarters, as Alexander let go of the wine bottle he felt he had been carrying for the last 7 years.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	44. Part 53

Alexander wasn't permitted any visitors; he was kept under close watch by Bagoas, who spent many nights and days with Alexander during the slow journey of detoxication. Alexander hadn't had a drink in a week of the killing of the Cleitus, and was looking far worse than when he had been. He was gaunt, sickly thin and pale. His lips still hadn't healed properly from the blistering snow, and now in the heat he had welts on his body. Many nights he would cry for a drink, and no-one would listen. No-one would come to his aid, except some nights, Bagoas would stay up with him, put a damp cloth to his forehead and whisper comforting words to Alexander. All for which, Alexander ignored.

Bagoas was hit more than once during this time, and Alexander became just a shell, he was neither the old Alexander nor the tyrannical drunkard. He was, just a sad and confused, and terribly ill man, which Bagoas did take pity on.

"Why isn't anyone listening to me?" Alexander cried out, banging his fists against the bed post, as Bagoas tried to calm him down.

"Alexander, we are listening to you" Bagoas would tell him kindly, "It's just, we fear for your safety, now. You're getting better… another letter from your mother arrived today…"

"And that, I suppose, is what is meant to comfort me?" Alexander bickered, "I care not for my mother, Bagoas" Bagoas sighed; he had heard this argument many times before. He stood with the letter in his hand, and Alexander kept looking at it anxiously, before he finally gave in.

"Fine, read it to me" Alexander told him, and Bagoas looked down at the foreign language before him, knitting his brows in an awkward manner as he perused the document.

"I cannot" Bagoas muttered, "I cannot read something personal…" he offered, but Alexander grunted angrily and grabbed the letter off him. He then looked at Bagoas, pursing his lips together,

"Well, if you cannot read it to me, than you may as well busy yourself with something else?" Alexander commented spiritedly but Bagoas didn't see it that way and left Alexander's tent promptly.

Alexander played with the papyrus in his hands, feeling it in his fingers before he turned it over and looked at the seal embossed in the back.

"My father's seal she still uses" he scoffed, "yet I am the son of Zeus she claims? Ridiculous woman" he muttered, peeling red wax off the back of the letter. He unfolded it carefully and opened it out so it sat on his lap.

"Alexander" he read aloud glancing down at the scrawled tiny writing of his mother, "My son, I pray you are well for I am not. Things here have turned so violent since the death of Attalus, that there is talk of revolt. People blame me for Phillip's death, still and now they believe their King, which is you, will never come home to them. Women of the town have received letters from husbands and brothers, all telling them that they are on some never-ending quest for their King. Is this true? Did you intentionally go farther than what you were expected?"

"They only ever see the journey…" Alexander muttered, "Never the prize at the end" Upset, Alexander dropped the letter and curled up against the pillows in his room. Why did everyone think him such a failure, when he had taken Macedonia's world to greater heights and its people to bigger, wealthier cities?

"_I only ever think of you, my son. My golden light of beauty, my one hope in this world for peace and unity. Come home Alexander, please come home"_


	45. Part 54

Authors note: What if Hephaistion didn't want Alexander when Alexander wanted him? Here's my perspective.

Hephaistion fought his way through the counsel and through the guards to get into Alexander's tent. For many nights he had crept around the back of it, trying to slip in unnoticed. All times he had failed and was sent away. When he finally made it, his fear and worry showed so clearly over his face and through his body, he looked almost as sick as Alexander. His heart would soon cave in he thought, if Alexander didn't make it through this. What would he do without his Alexander? He didn't know.

Hephaistion came close to seeing him many nights, and spoke to Alexander though the closed white curtains. Alexander told Hephaistion he didn't want to speak, and that he was too sick to speak to anyone. Hephaistion one night, ignored this request, and brushed the curtains aside, glancing down at Alexander who was being dressed by Bagoas, he sighed deeply.

"Gods, Alexander" Hephaistion began, irritated by the presence of Bagoas who moved to the other side of the room, as Alexander looked up at Hephaistion, his sick pale complexion drew focus in on his eyes, which were stained with red streaks of blood.

"What is it now, Hephaistion?" Alexander said hazily, taking the glass of water in his hand, raising it to his lips slowly.

"I worry so" Hephaistion admitted, kneeling down towards Alexander.

"…. There is no need for it" Alexander told him, pointing at Bagoas, " He is taking care of me just fine"

There was an awkward silence as Hephaistion looked at Bagoas. He wore bruises, Hephaistion could tell, as Bagoas looked directly at him, then away again.

" Please, leave" Alexander told him, " I don't want to talk anymore…"

"But you must" Hephaistion said, " You must speak to these men …"

"They care none for me" Alexander bickered, " They only care about going home"

"Are you going home, Alexander?" Hephaistion asked him, " What is your plan of action, now?"

Alexander's jaw dropped slightly,

"Are you questioning me, Hephaistion?" Alexander asked him, as if Hephaistion had done the worst thing in the world by doing so.

"I want to know…. I need an answer" Hephaistion said lowly, still looking at Bagoas.

"Moments away from our final destination and you want me to go back?" Alexander mumbled, " I thought you were for this expedition?"

"Do not doubt me, Alexander" Hephaistion took hold of Alexander's hand, " I am but here for you"

"Then you would think twice before you spoke again of this trip" Alexander snapped, pulling away his hands from Hephaistion, as Hephaistion recoiled.

"You can leave now Bagoas" Alexander told him, and Bagoas nodded silently exiting the tent.

"You… prefer his company to mine, is that it?" Hephaistion asked softly,

"What, jealous Hephaistion?" Alexander asked him, raising his eyebrow slightly.

" I care for you greatly" was all Hephaistion could manage, not wanting to look Alexander in the eye.

"Come here" Alexander spoke softly, " come to me"

Hephaistion waited for a moment, looking at Alexander who looked like the living dead.

"… I can't" Hephaistion began, but without word or hesitation, Alexander lunged at Hephaistion, pinning him back.

"Alex…" Hephaistion said breathlessly, as Alexander tucked his long, garish hair behind his ears,

"Phai" Alexander looked down on him, his dark eyes staring bleakly at Hephaistion's face.

"Do you want me Hephaistion?" Alexander asked, leaning in close to Hephaistion's lips, resting his chin on Hephaistion's chest. Hephaistion felt as if Alexander's eyes could burn a hole straight through him.

"I…" Hephaistion began, as Alexander lowered himself down on Hephaistion, his pelvis pelvis brushing up tightly against Hephaistion's, Hephaistion tried to keep calm and rational, but failed miserably.

"I…" Hephaistion said again, this time choking a little as he spoke, Alexander drew kisses up Hephaistion's throat.

"If you want me kiss me" Alexander told him, " If you want me…"

Hephaistion paused for a second, those deep eyes of Alexander's were so lost and out of control, he closed his suddenly, as Alexander straddled him.

"If you want me…" Alexander said more anxiously, "Then kiss me… its' all I ask"

"sweet Aphrodite" Hephaistion muttered, keeping his eyes closed tightly.

"is that a yes?" Alexander asked, leaning closer so that his mouth was touching Hephaistion's cheek,

"….. no" Hephaistion uttered, Alexander almost falling off Hephaistion as he said it.

"What was that?" Alexander asked, offended.

"… no, Alexander" Hephaistion couldn't believe it either. He opened his eyes and found Alexander staring despairingly back into his own.

"…. Sweet mother of" Alexander couldn't finish his sentence; he felt his heart leave his chest and float up towards his head.

"I can't… not like this" Hephaistion told him, "I can't… know that in an instant it can all change again"

"…. How would you?" Alexander asked him, mumbling. " How would you Hephaistion?"

"We've been down this road before…" Hephaistion said with tears and restraint in his voice,

"You said you… wanted me" Alexander looked pleadingly into Hephaistion's eyes, his own tears welling up.

"Oh Gods…" Hephaistion looked away, " Of course I wanted you… Alexander but to take you like this when you are sick? What kind of man would I be if I cannot wait to let you be yourself again?"

"This is myself" Alexander said angrily, " this is all I've ever been"

"You're wrong, Alexander" Hephaistion corrected him, " You haven't … seen yourself through my eyes"

"Then tell me, Hephaistion" Alexander said bitterly, " What do you see?"

Hephaistion's eyes ran up and down Alexander's body, thinking about it for a moment. He pursed his lips together and sighed,

"…. I see you Alexander, I see so much of you back in those eyes" Hephaistion whispered, " but I want all of it, I want all of it to know that it is real"

Alexander started to cry as Hephaistion outstretched his hand to his arm,

"My Alexander…" Hephaistion offered, but Alexander hit him so quickly he barely recalled it. He sat with a stinging cheek, as Alexander rolled off him, and with a painful gut wrenching cry he threw himself into his pillows, choking on his sobs.

" you don't want me…" Alexander said again and again, " you don't love me anymore"

"Of course I love you…" Hephaistion whispered, " I love you still so much…"

"… you don't want me, you don't love me" Alexander kept repeating it. Hephaistion sat still, still feeling the burning sensation on his face.

"Get out!" Alexander yelled at him, " Get out now!"

"No, Alexander…. You don't want me to go" Hephaistion told him, " You need to understand…"

"No! Get out!" Alexander screamed loudly, " Get out! Get out you bastard!"

"Alexander, stop it!" Hephaistion tried to say soothingly, but getting angrier he stood up, and walked towards Alexander.

"Leave me! Why didn't you just leave me alone!" Alexander shouted, as Hephaistion lowered himself to Alexander's level,

"I still love you" Hephaistion said tearfully, " but you're not yourself… you're only just starting to be that same …"

"Go away" tears streamed down Alexander's cheeks as he said, "please… go"

"Alexander…" Hephaistion wanted to kiss him so badly but he refrained and pulled back, with a sudden jerk he was turned around by Bagoas, who had him by the arm.

"… you can't make me leave him" Hephaistion snuffed, Bagoas' fingers tightened around his arm as guards came in through the tent.

"I don't want to leave him … he has to understand" Hephaistion implored, but the guards seized him and dragged him away.

"Alexander! Stop them!" Hephaistion shouted, but Alexander glared coldly into his eyes.

"Good…bye" Alexander managed and watched Hephaistion being taken away, the only time in his life he actually wanted it done.


	46. Part 55

When Alexander confronted the giant grey beast, all Hephaistion could do was watch. He stared, confused and dazed at his King, his friend, his lover who ignored all requests by the others to stop his onslaught and retreat.

The arrow plunged deep into Alexander's chest, blood spilling immediately from the wound. As the brave Bucephalus, his child hood friend, fell defending his owner. The others tried frantically to get to him, as Alexander lay still, staring up at the reddening skies above him.

"_All of this and more, Alexander"_ the thoughts came to his mind as he lay, feeling the heavy footsteps of soldiers coming towards him, "_this is it… this is how I am going to die…"_

"ALEXANDER!" Hephaistion cried out, forcing his way through the gathering crowd, swarming around Alexander as he tried to reach him.

"ITS TOO LATE, HEPHAISTION!" he heard Cassander's voice over the crowd, " He has gone! He is dead!"

"_Dead?"_ Hephaistion could feel his heart stop beating in that second of the word, and with a sudden flash of silver he found himself on his knees. He glanced down, noticing the giant gash across his leg, the red liquid pulsing freely. He tried to stand but with another flash of another sword, he came down fully to the ground.

"Alex…" he said, still looking at Alexander who hadn't moved.

Alexander closed his eyes preparing for the worst. When it didn't happen however, he wasn't sure if he was relieved or upset by it.

"Phai…" he uttered, blood dribbling from his mouth as he spoke, the Indian's called a retreat he heard, and backed off as the men all came to his side.

"_Phai…"_ he thought, "_What have I done?" _

Hephaistion felt himself crumble into nothing as he lay on the ground. With a sudden jerk he felt someone pull him up to safety.

"Cassander?" he asked softly, and Cassander nodded.

"Aren't you in charge of the Phalanx?" he asked, and Cassander nodded again.

"Yes… but they don't need me. Its' over"

Hephaistion felt pain in his chest indescribable, as he turned towards a giant shield.

"Is he?" Hephaistion began, and Cassander shrugged.

"Unknown at this time" Cassander spoke softly, and kicked the horse into a canter. As he left the field of battle, Hephaistion wandered if he and Alexander's pact to die together would be true upon this day. Whether they would be together in death instead of in life, he would a die happy man, he thought, embracing the sudden pain he was feeling in his legs, and all of this would be worth it.

"_All of this would be worth it"_ Alexander thought hazily, feeling his eyes close. "If I knew he was safe… it'd be worth it"


	47. Part 56

Alexander awoke to the smell of lotus flowers drifting through the room. He lifted himself slightly, feeling the sting of his wound in his chest, he turned to a table beside him, where a bloody rag lay with stitches. He cried a little as he straightened himself up and turned towards a figure beside him.

"Roxane?" he mouthed, unable to speak. She looked peaceful, and very pregnant. Her protruding belly was snug under layers of coloured wool, her hair hanging like black silk drapes, elongating her face.

With a gentle tap of her arm, she woke up, looking at Alexander who had a perplexed but pained expression, she smiled at him.

"My husband" she uttered, and took his hand. Alexander could see more as his eyes cleared. He wasn't in that tiny palace, he realized. With further perusal, he saw the same red and gold drapes of bedroom curtains, and the sparkling banner above his head.

"Babylon?" he questioned, and looked at Roxane who nodded, sympathetically.

"Yes, Alexander" she spoke in soft tones, "You are home again"

" _I don't want to be here!" _ a side of Alexander raged within him, he couldn't believe that he was back at the beginning again.

"Hephaistion" he suddenly spoke his name, and looked at Roxane, "Where is he?"

"He is being cared for… he suffered great injuries; one of his wounds was infected, so Cassander has been tending to him"

Alexander's brow furrowed as he tried to hear her low mumbling.

"He is sick?" he asked, and Roxane shook her head.

"No, he is getting better" she smiled, "He wanted to know when you were having visitors"

"I want to see him" Alexander said, "I want to see him for myself"

Alexander tried to move from the bed, but the pain in his chest was too great. He hit the pillows with a thud, and stared at the banner, swaying in the breeze.

"You have been doing this for a long time, Alexander" Roxane said softly, "After the initial stages of healing, you told the men that we were heading home…. You said you didn't want to be in India any longer. Wasn't your place"

Alexander didn't really recall saying those things but he nodded just the same.

"That wound was terrible when I first saw it…" Roxane whispered, "I thought you would die"

Alexander tilted his head towards Roxane, who had tears in her eyes.

"And all this time, you stuck by me?" he asked her softly, and she nodded.

"Yes, you are my husband. We have a son coming soon…"

Alexander looked at her belly and put his hand to it. It was soft to touch, and pulsing with life.

"…. I'm sorry I've put you through this" Alexander admitted, "I …"

"You were doing what you thought was right" she muttered, "What you thought was right for you, was India"

"It was… but it's a matter decided by the Gods, now" Alexander sighed.

"It will come if you wish it" Roxane smiled, and let go of Alexander's hand.

"Please, tell him I want to see him" Alexander mumbled,

"I will, my King" she stood up then, Alexander noticing how big her belly truly was.

"Roxane I…"

"Enough words, my King. You must rest now, I will go and tell Hephaistion he can see you…" she walked away from the room.

"You'll be better soon, Alexander" she told him firmly, " Just wait, there'll be plenty more for you to do and see… and for our son to experience with his father" she said the last words as if they were spun from silk, soft and carefree. Expectant of happiness and peace at last. For that moment, Alexander recognised the sound of silence as a blessing and not a burden, as he closed his eyes and drifted into sleep.

.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.


	48. Part 57

Hephaistion looked into the mirror, seeing the reflection of his white-ghost like self, glancing down at the bowl in front of him. The swirling red of blood and bile mixed together, tipping backwards and forwards in the shiny container. He was feeling worse for ware, since arriving back in Babylon. Cassander had helped him in the times he could not walk, bringing him food and water, bathing him with a cloth. Now, as Alexander was getting better, his own health was declining rapidly, he could hear is jittery heart banging in his chest like a drum, he closed his eyes to stop the whirling sensation, but it failed.

"Hephaistion?" a voice called to him, and he turned slightly.

"Alexander" Hephaistion smiled, as a much healthier, happier Alexander approached him in the bathroom.

"Are you okay?" Alexander asked, Hephaistion nodded.

"Never better" he assured, Alexander smiled, a sigh of relief escaped across his face, flushing his cheeks.

"You must get ready for the celebration" Alexander told him, "They have planned a party to welcome us home… in a week, Roxane is due to give birth, and you my dearest friend will be richer than thieves along with the other men… the phalanx, Cassander you name it. All shall be beautiful at last"

Alexander said it with such enthusiasm; Hephaistion almost felt he could believe this happiness would last. He grinned, relieved that Alexander was thinking positively, and hugged him tightly. He felt his chest spasm awkwardly, it was a tight hug but it was appreciated.

"I know you were right, Hephaistion" Alexander said softly in his ear, "I knew I had to wait for you… for both of us to be ready for each other again"

Hephaistion sighed deeply, just listening to the joy in Alexander's voice made him want to cry.

"I am ready now, Hephaistion" Alexander said softly, " I am so very ready…"

Hephaistion bit his bottom lip to stop his tears, as Alexander let him go. He smiled at Alexander who patted his shoulder and asked him to come down when he was dressed.

As the door shut, with a violent heave Hephaistion threw up more blood in the bowl, and all the kindness and sincerest words from Alexander wasn't going to change it.

He was dying and there was no way Alexander could save him.


	49. Part 58

Cassander listened to Hephaistion crying in the bathroom, heard him retching and coughing, cursing out and praying. He heard all of it. He glanced down at his hands, that were responsible for so many deaths, and with a reluctant sigh he thought of what he had done.

It was he who had given Hephaistion dirty water. Water so unclean and murky it wasn't fit for pigs to bathe in. It was he who had insisted Hephaistion drink more of it, it was he who wanted to see Hephaistion's life come to an end.

He had watched in the last months how Hephaistion shrunk in size, how he barely ate, and barely left his room if only to see Alexander. He watched Hephaistion's eyes lie to Alexander every day about how he was really feeling. He watched this man fall apart.

Groaning, he went down to the party where there were plenty of guests. The wine was over flowing and the food was rich and plump with texture and taste. He bit into an apple and all he could taste was bitterness.

Was he angry at what he had done to Hephaistion? Or was he merely impatient for the overall outcome? Whatever it was, he didn't want to think about it, and would hang around in the back of the room, watching the goings on of the celebration, and realizing, at any moment, this celebration could end in the worst way possible.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Alexander was partying to heavily it didn't register that Hephaistion wasn't in the room yet. He was laughing and cheering on Ptolemy who was having a drinking contest with Craterus, Craterus who was once so poor and now he was covered in jewels.

The smile that was on his face was that of unmistakable happiness and relief. Joy that he had come to the end of his nightmares, his worries. That all things were going to be great from here on in. He perused the room, and there hunched in the corner was Hephaistion.

"Hephaistion!" Alexander called his name excitedly, "I was expecting you sooner, my lover!" he boasted and the other men all laughed and cheered.

Hephaistion couldn't raise his head, he was feeling that sick. Alexander beckoned him but he refused to move, stuck in a place where he could keep his head from swimming, stuck in a place where he felt he could keep himself together.

"Hephaistion, honestly!" Alexander hollered, and came over to him. Hephaistion raised his eyes to meet Alexander's, and Alexander looked at him quizzically.

"What is wrong with you?" Alexander asked, and abruptly the party stopped.

"Drinking too much all ready!" Ptolemy laughed and Alexander shushed him.

"Did you start ahead of me, Hephaistion? I thought you barely drank…"

Hephaistion felt his throat become dry and crackly as he tried to answer,

"Yes" was all he could say. Thinking that he was in trouble, Hephaistion cowered a little, but all he heard from Alexander was laughter.

"Sweet Zeus, you had me worried!" Alexander chuffed, and the others all laughed. Cassander watched on, watching Hephaistion try to smile. It was then he had to get out of there, it was then he left the room.

"Someone send this man to bed!" Ptolemy shouted, and a few of the servants came and escorted Hephaistion away.

" I love you, Alexander" Hephaistion whispered, and Alexander smiled at him.

"You too" Alexander said softly turning back to the party. As Hephaistion was dragged up the stairs and dumped in his room, he threw up on the floor, mix of blood and bile spilled across the surface, he cried, tears burning his eyes cheeks as he clambered into bed.

"… _This is it" _he thought dismally, trying to call for Alexander to come.

"_Here is the end"_ he thought,

"I love you…" Hephaistion muttered, closing his eyes. The sound of Alexander laughing sent him to sleep, as his fate rested on those above and not below.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.


	50. Part 59

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.

Alexander froze, he felt himself grow weaker in the knees as he stood at the end of Hephaistion's bed.

"Phai?" he said softly, his eyes trailing up and down his lovers body, sadness etched across his face.

"Alexander…" the crackly, dry voice of Hephaistion responded, his distant blue eyes staring away from Alexander. Alexander sat down on his bed, forming a crease in the sheets.

"Why, Hephaistion?" he asked softly, numbly reaching for Hephaistion's hand.

"…. I didn't want to upset you" Hephaistion muttered, "I didn't want…"

"What are you doing to me now?" Alexander asked him, his bright brown eyes forcing back their tears.

"I'm sorry… I'm" Hephaistion coughed, jerking forward, Alexander grabbed a hold of him tightly, pulling him towards him.

"…. What am I going to do without you?" Alexander asked him despairingly, looking into Hephaistion's eyes, their brightness surely fading.

"…. You live" Hephaistion breathed, "You live because there's nothing else you can do"

"…. I can't" Alexander choked, "I can't…"

Hephaistion sighed drearily as Alexander looked at him, searching for answers. He got up from the bed, staring out the balcony window. He was speaking rubbish, he knew it. He saw himself at an old age and old age with Hephaistion by his side and nothing else.

"Hephaistion?" Alexander asked softly, turning around he looked to the bed.

"No…" Alexander's eyes widened, "No… Gods, Hephaistion!" he yelled out, throwing himself onto Hephaistion's chest, burying himself deep into Hephaistion's hair.

"All I wanted was you!" Alexander screamed into the darkness that he felt was caving around him.

"That's all…" he muttered, his face buried in his Hephaistion's chest.

"Dionysius, have mercy" Alexander whispered, tangling his hands in Hephaistion's hair.

"Please… please" his scared voice rang through the hallways and alerted the attention of the others, as Alexander continued to cry.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	51. Part 60

When the two bodies collided against each other in unity, and in spirit neither man or beast mattered. The soft and gentle air that whipped around their naked bodies, the gentle kisses that were drawn along each others necks and backs, the deep cries and thrusts of ecstasy, the embrace of love.

"_I love you"_ Hephaistion told Alexander, his hands running the length of Alexander's back, as Alexander leant back in towards him, enjoying every minute of this, regardless of the pain he was feeling. Regardless of the anger he had for his father, he was in complete submission.

"_Only you do this to me"_ Alexander muttered breathlessly, trying not to scream allowed, his sore and broken nose, his aching ribs all but flesh and structure in compared to what he was experiencing… the sensation of this boys touch, his lovingness, his care.

"_Only you do this to me"_ Hephaistion repeated his words, and Alexander laughed ignoring the pain he was suffering, the physical, and the emotional struggle.

"_If he found us, we'd be in so much trouble…" _ Alexander began, and Hephaistion sighed, kissing his back,

"_If he found us we surely won't live to see tomorrow" _Hephaistion mumbled, kissing his neck, as Alexander laughed.

-.-.-.-.-

With a sudden jolt Alexander awoke from where he was sleeping. The emptied bed of Hephaistion's felt cool and dry, his own tears had dried on his skin and on the pillow. He stared blurrily at the blankness before him before sitting up.

"What is this?" he wondered, and then with a sudden realisation, like a stab to the chest he remembered why he was here.

"Hephaistion" he uttered, and sitting up he got out of the bed, and found his door to be locked.

"Hephaistion!" Alexander shouted, jangling the door knob, "Oh Gods! Tell me; tell me it was a dream!"

There was no noise coming back to him to signal that was the truth. All he heard outside the door was chatter, people saying not to open the door, people saying they needed too. Nothing but just mindless chatter.

Alexander grabbed the handles and jangled them again.

"Open the door! Where is Hephaistion! Where!" Alexander shouted endlessly, until with a click the door opened and Bagoas stood before him with a bowed head.

"My Alexander… he is gone, he was taken this morning when you finally fell asleep" he said it all at once, not daring to stop and hear Alexander's answer.

"You did what!" Alexander asked menacingly, "Where is he! Where is Hephaistion!" he bellowed, tightening his jaw so he was barely audible, his eyes blurred and seeping with violent tears,

"I didn't do it…. Ptolemy and Cassander said too. He died, Alexander. He would've infected the rest of us"

"I don't believe you" Alexander hissed, " I don't believe he is dead" with a shove, Bagoas fell backwards as Alexander strode down the hallway, looking for who could possibly if anyone be responsible for this made up story.

Then he saw her.


	52. Part 61

Alexander lingered for a second in Roxane's chamber, watching her comb her hair.

She looked so fertile, and so innocent. So blissfully unaware of what had happened, or was she so unaware? Did she not have secret hatred for this other in Alexander's life? This thought and many others ran through Alexander's mind.

"Roxane" he said abruptly, and she turned to him.

"Alexander, you frightened me" she said, dismissing her ladies.

"…. Have you seen…" Alexander couldn't finish the sentence, the immediate word of Hephaistion's name bore a tearing sensation in his chest.

"Alexander, you look terrible. Have you been drinking again?" she asked him, and Alexander stood dumb founded before her.

"… Answer please…" Alexander said weakly, as she shook her head.

"Who, Alexander? Who am I meant to have seen?" she asked, lowering her brush on the counter.

"Hephaistion" Alexander choked out, "Hephaistion he is…"

"Hephaistion is dead?" Roxane's eyes widened, "…. I heard last night he wasn't well. Had too much to drink…"

"… I didn't know that he was sick" Alexander stuttered, uncomfortably crying in front of her. She stood up, and came towards him.

"Why are you here?" she asked, "What do you think?"

"I loved him" Alexander said, tears flowing down his face, "I loved him"

"…. Please, Alexander" Roxane asked, as Alexander's eyes rose to hers. She didn't care that Hephaistion was dead. She didn't care that he was crying over him. She didn't show remorse, she didn't show fear.

Alexander's hand suddenly went to Roxane's neck, she gasped.

"No, Alexander! Our son!" she begged, and his eyes stared at her face.

"….Alexander, please!" she cried allowed, and with a violent shove she fell to the ground.

"Never touch me again!" he shouted, and ran, escaped from the room where she remained, pleading her innocence, calling his name.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	53. Part 62

"Wine" Alexander instructed, "I want more wine" the glass spilled over in his hand, as he threw it down, taking the bottle and drinking from it. Alexander was not Alexander anymore, he wasn't anything just a shell.

"I'm having a party tonight" he said drunkenly, "A fond farewell for my dearest friend…"

The men in the room all glanced at each other, as Alexander drank yet more of the bottles brought to him. One by one he downed them, his vision going from bad to worse, his heart rate exceeding what was normal, his eyes glazed over from the alcohol and tears.

"…. We're sorry for your loss, Alexander" Ptolemy said, looking at him with a worried expression.

"Feel sorry not, Ptolemy" Alexander mumbled, " It is fear that brought me here in the first place… why if it wasn't for what my father did to me as a boy I probably wouldn't be here right now…"

"And what is that, Alexander?" one of the men asked, as Alexander glanced at him.

"gave me such a beautiful present… telling me it was mine forever and then it died on me… like a plant" his hands outstretched before him, sadly.

"…. You mean, Hephaistion?" Ptolemy said awkwardly, and Alexander nodded.

"Best gift my father got me and then he broke" Alexander started laughing, feeling his raw dry throat crack under the strain of his bellowing, roaring laughter.

"Not to worry… if I keep drinking like this I'll be in Hades soon" he quipped, standing up he stumbled towards the door.

"Tonight a farewell party and tomorrow… who knows, maybe we'll go to… Arabia"

"So early?" Ptolemy asked after him, "I thought you were waiting for your son's birth?"

"Why wait for that?" Alexander muttered, " He won't be king of anything except air"

"What are you planning on doing, Alexander?" Ptolemy asked him, a worried look on his face.

"…. Maybe a walk of some kind" he put the bottle close to his lips, "later all"

Alexander disappeared as the men all glanced at each other.

"He wants to die" Cassander said coolly as the others turned to look at him.

"No, he doesn't. He is just sad at the moment" Ptolemy mumbled softly.

"No, Ptolemy. Look at his eyes, he is all ready gone" Cassander remarked, glancing through the door way at Alexander who fell over, cursing.

"What do you want me to do, Cassander? Kill him?" Ptolemy sneered, "Would not be a strong man to kick a horse when he is down"

"Alexander's been down too much" Cassander retorted, "He is flailing. We should say goodbye to him and Hephaistion tonight. Allow them to be together… unless you don't want to see home for the next ten years"

Ptolemy groaned, for once Cassander was right. How long would it be before Alexander decided to start a fresh? Kill his old officers, not send the longest serving soldiers home but instead force them to trek through Arabia with him?

"…. Then it is time" Ptolemy muttered, opening his hand to show a tiny bottle.

"What is this good Ptolemy?" Cassander asked, eyeing it.

"Poison from a snake… the one that killed Craterus' son"

" I didn't know you could handle snakes?" Cassander asked, peering at the contents.

" I didn't. I chopped off the dead snakes head and squeezed it dry"

Cassander nodded, admiring the little bottle.

"How affective is this?" he asked, darkly.

'Without an antidote, say … a few months, perhaps"

"Months?" Cassander paused, "We shall let him suffer that long?"

"He made us suffer for years" someone said, "Its only fair"

"He wouldn't want to go easy, he still loves a challenge" someone else said.

"Then its settled. Tonight, we bid farewell to our King and hello to a new world"

Cassander outstretched his hand and Ptolemy put his on top, followed by the others in the room.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	54. Part 63

"_Do you ever get that feeling you know when your time is up? I get that all the time now. Days, months and, years Alexander and still no word. I wonder if my letters even reach you, or if they go into a void of nothingness, as my life has become. Since writing last, the rabble here has ceased. Many still believe you to be a deserter, but I disagree. You're ruling a new nation and have no time for home any longer. That place is your home, I realize. I still glance towards the skies for a sign from you, my little Achilles._

_I believe in my heart you know what is right. When the time comes, whatever you must face you will do so bravely. I love you, always"_

Alexander closed the letter and took in a deep breath. He had abandoned everything from home, and now he had nothing here. He looked at the mosaic painted walls around him, and sighed. He had no real desire to go anywhere or to do anything, perhaps it was time to accept his defeat go home and someone else be assigned the King's title.

He decided upon telling the men tonight that Arabia was just a bad joke, and he didn't intend on going ahead with it at all. It was too far, and he was much too tired to go that journey, and suffer all over again.

He went down the stairs and into the living room where the dark lighting and drinks were plenty. He surveyed the room and saw his old friends and companions, his followers and knew that he was in the right place. His mother was right; he had found a home here.

Ptolemy dripped the last few droplets of the venom into the large goblet. He saw his whole life by Alexander's side flash before his eyes. He knew that this was wrong but he wanted it to end. He wanted to stop and go home to his wife. He wanted a new life and he was never going to get it following Alexander.

The silver goblet was passed form him to Cassander, where Cassander dwelled on it for a few seconds before putting it in front of Alexander.

Alexander stared deep into the contents of the silver goblet, and with a fiery disposition and a sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, he put it to his lips and drank it.

Cassander could feel something unusual happening to him. Tears were coming from his eyes, as if he was suddenly aware of what he had committed. He tried to wipe them away but they ran freely.

"Tomorrow is Macedonia my good men" Alexander told them, " No more travels, I am too tired and I will resigned my place as King back home so someone else may lead you all. I am too old for such a task any longer… and feel…"

Alexander gasped suddenly, drawing in a painful breath. The men all turned to look at him, as he put a hand to his throat.

"_Treachery"_ the voice within him shouted, as he got to his knees.

"_Liars! Cheaters! Hephaistion was right!"_ he could hear his thoughts run the course through his mind as the poison ran through his veins, and then with a sigh he was unconscious, and Cassander's gentle tears were now making marks in the carpet.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	55. Part 64

Authors note: Thank-you all so much for your replies.

The smell of blood, thick and metallic roused Alexander from his sleep. He took in a deep, painful breath and opened his watery eyes as best he could. Beside him, there were damp, blood soaked rags, on his clothes the same sticky, clotting substance. He put his hands to his lips, tasting the tangy red liquid, he moved his hand slightly away from his face, and saw the deep crimson stain the tips of his fingers.

His eyes couldn't focus, and his poor heart was beating erratically. He looked upwards and saw through his peripheral vision the sparkling jewels of the banner; he winced as his chest fought for a breath of air. This action caused Cassander, who had been asleep beside him, to wake suddenly.

"Alexander?" He said softly, and Alexander's blood-shot eyes stared vacantly at him. He tried to speak, but words ailed him, his lips were cracked and dry. He breathed uneasily as he blinked, the mucus on his eyes knitting his lashes together, he groaned.

"Gods, Cassander" Ptolemy muttered, not wanting to walk into the room that smelled so vile, of faeces and urine, which Alexander himself reeked of.

"Come, Ptolemy. I think you should call the others to say their goodbyes" Cassander mused, as Alexander's hand gripped his shirt with a sudden angry thrust.

"I don't think he's going yet…" Ptolemy said sadly, turning his head away from Alexander. He couldn't believe what he had agreed to do, couldn't believe that it had been nearly a year and Alexander was still refusing to die.

"Go, Alexander. Be with Hephaistion" Cassander cooed in Alexander's ear, " You're losing this… there's nothing to live for here…"

"Don't" Ptolemy suddenly snapped as Cassander glanced over his shoulder at him.

"Don't do that, Cassander" Ptolemy said angrily, " He is deserving of his own time, not forced by the likes of you"

"That's cheap" Cassander snorted, "Coming from you; you also played a role in this"

Alexander chest suddenly seized up and his hand became limp against Cassander's shirt. He went into a spasm, a violent fit of coughing and spluttering, blood drooling from the corners of his mouth.

"Sweet Zeus!" Ptolemy exclaimed, glaring disbelieving at Alexander who fell lifelessly back against the pillows.

"He does that a lot" Cassander said off handily,

"You… you sit there and watch that!" Ptolemy sneered, his eyes widening " you're unbelievable…"

"No, I'm just impatient" Cassander mumbled, putting a wet towel to Alexander's freezing forehead.

" Cassander, come away from him" Ptolemy said forcibly, " Leave him be for a time, you shouldn't sit and watch this man die…. Its disturbing"

Cassander groaned, brushing a hand through his hair.

"Its hard to believe you cried afterwards…" Ptolemy said lowly, "Seemingly taking pity for your actions…"

Cassander was silent for a moment before shaking his head.

"No, Ptolemy. I was just so relieved"

He got up out of the chair, and walked towards the door.

"A minute alone please" Ptolemy said to Cassander softly, Cassander shrugged and walked out closing the door.

Ptolemy didn't want to get close, but he was close enough. He stood at the foot of his bed, his head bowed in silent prayer for a moment, touching Alexander's feet.

"I will…. Keep you in my fondest memories, My King" Ptolemy sniffed, suddenly reduced to tears, "…. In my memoirs you feature frequently… not a day in my life will you not be in my mind" He sobbed, and then without another word he went and closed the door, darkening the room much like Cassander's all ready blackened heart.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	56. Part 65

"_Hephaistion?" _ A young Alexander called out through the darkness, a sea of grass lapped around him as he stood shivering.

"_I'm here, Alexander" _Hephaistion replied, and Alexander saw him, but just as golden light.

"_Phai… I'm scared…" _Alexander said in a whisper, "_I think I'm dying…" _

"_Don't be afraid, Alexander" _Hephaistion said warmly, "_you'll come to me when you're ready…"_

"_I'm sorry I doubted you" _Alexander sniffed his tears back, "_I'm so very…" _

"_Hush" _Hephaistion told him calmly, "_I'm always going to be here for you, Alexander."_

"_I don't want to wake up" _Alexander said in a tiny voice to him, "_I don't want to struggle anymore… I can't do it any longer" _

"_All you are doing is letting go…"_ Hephaistion reminded him, "_You must give your physical self time to do so… like I waited for you"_

"_Hephaistion please…"_ Alexander begged, "_Don't leave me again…" _

"_I must but I will see you soon" _Hephaistion promised, as he watched the young Alexander fade out, "I_ will be here when you wake up…"_

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

The physical form of Alexander lunged forward in desperation to cling for Hephaistion. His clouded, blood red vision couldn't make wall from vase, as he cried out in frustration. He was fully awake, and feeling the searing hot pain in his chest again.

"Alexander, you wake" Roxane whispered hoarsely, a frightened hand clutched his.

"_Roxane! What are you doing here?"_ Alexander bellowed internally, but he was too weak to tell her to leave.

"What have they done to you?" she sobbed, her shaking hand stroking Alexander's hair from his face, as he shook his head in a surge of anger trying to get her away.

"I'm so scared…. Scared that you'll leave me here with our son… he's so big" she whispered, sobbing as she spoke.

"_My son" _images suddenly flashed through Alexander's mind of Roxane being pregnant, of her shapely body carrying a precious bundle. He put a hand out to her, and now she was soft but not full. He gasped. … it had happened all ready? Angry he tried to turn himself over, but he wailed in pain. He couldn't do this anymore; he couldn't live like this…

"_Hephaistion!" _ Alexander screamed internally, "_Please! Help me!" _ He cried, and then it all, including Roxane's pleas for him to stay, went black and still.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-


	57. Part 66

"HEPHAISTION!" Alexander screamed in agony, as he saw his physical form swim beneath him in sea of colours. Hephaistion watched silently, only fully aware of the transition that was life to death, feeling the pain that was pulsing through Alexander in his own heart, watching Alexander cry aloud for it to stop. When it did, Alexander's lifeless naked whole body, not a scar upon him lay.

Hephaistion came over to him, and like a mother would a new born, he wrapped his arms around Alexander protectively, as Alexander, the King of Macedon and Persia, dropped the ring he clutched too desperately, with a clattering of gold against the hard floor.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Roxane didn't leave her chamber or ask for food except for her baby, the night after the vigil and funeral for Alexander. The babe stirred in his crib, as she looked out over the sky of Babylon.

Ptolemy waited outside her door, bludgeon in hand. Cassander asked this to happen as soon as she had said her goodbyes. No time would be wasted in this matter. He got ready for it, telling himself he needed to do this to save his own family from Cassander, but he really didn't have an answer when he opened the door.

Roxane looked like a goddess when she turned to look at him. Her still rounded shape from pregnancy, her milk filled breasts, she looked like a silhouette of Dionysius herself.

"I wanted to tell you I'm sorry…" Ptolemy mumbled, hiding the bludgeoning tool behind his back. " I am going to make peace with him, He is coming to Egypt with me"

Roxane didn't have an answer, she just nodded solemnly.

"I…" Ptolemy stuttered.

"Do what is you've been sent to do" she said meekly, eyeing her babe in the crib with a sullen expression.

"Cassander asked me of, asked me to do it as soon as he was buried… I"

"Alexander is gone and I realise that I cannot stay" Roxane tried not to cry.

"Roxane" he uttered, "I came tonight because I knew I wouldn't have it in me at any other time. I didn't want this to be public; I didn't want you to be humiliated…"

"Ptolemy" she said firmly, a sudden reasoned tone sprang to her voice, "just do it quickly" she glared at him and then turned back around, facing the moonless sky.

-.-.-.-.-.--.-


	58. Part 67

Olympias would wait months to hear from Persia and Babylon about Alexander's death. It had been decided that Ptolemy would take his remains and that he would be in charge of informing the family back in Macedonia of his death.

Olympias read the scrawled tear stained letter in a bit of a distant mindset; before the conclusion had really sunk it she was kind of struck to receive a letter from Babylon at all.

She dropped the letter and clutched her heart.

"_My little Achilles… is gone" _she cried openly, not wanting to accept her only son had gone… and she never able to repair the damage to their ailed relationship.

"My Queen would you like something too…" a servant girl knocked upon Olympias' door but it was too late, she was all ready gone.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

Ptolemy sat down with a piece of fresh Papyrus, the quill blotted in the deepest ink. He had thought for many months after Alexander's burial, that he must begin writing his stories of Alexander so not to forget them and so that he could share them with his grand children.

He stared vacantly at the faces of his grand kids, who had gathered around this particular afternoon to here of the charge at Guagemela, still so raw in his memory of the tragic events of Alexander's life, there was nothing Ptolemy enjoyed more than sharing his tales of his brave King and letting it known to this small minds that love is possible, and can never be conquered.

"Was their really a King called Alexander or are you making it up?" one of his grand children asked him, and Ptolemy sighed.

"Of course there was, and there was a man called Hephaistion too. Alexander's lover and closest friend"

"You sound a lot like your old tutor, Aristotle. He wrote many great scrolls on the ancient Greece, of Troy and of Patroklus and Achilles" one of his older grand children mused, "Was Alexander's love for Hephaistion that strong?"

"It was" Ptolemy smiled, the age showing in his eyes as he glanced over the ring he had picked up off the floor all that time ago.

"Now, you all go and play outside. Its too beautiful a day to be kept up indoors, I have more writing to pursue…" he ushered them with his hands, and they all laughed and giggled as they chased each other outside.

"Now Cadmos, I have another great tale for you to add to my collection… one that was not so grand in the scale of Alexander are many feats as King, but as a boy it was a marvel what he did…"

"I'll be glad to hear it" Cadmos smiled, setting up his desk to write.

"It was when Alexander first met Hephaistion… after his father's brutal beatings; Alexander found comfort in his friends especially of Hephaistion who broke down his chamber door just to see him…."

"It sounds as though Hephaistion and Alexander were meant to be" Cadmos muttered absent mindly as he jotted, "a real love story"

"More than that, they were destined for each other" Ptolemy whispered, "but they had to go through so much than anyone else to realise it at the end, which is why I tell my grand children to speak freely about love, and never let it be tamed or abandoned…"

Cadmos looked at the old man who was rambling sweet nothings before him, and thought of how grand it would've been to have a love so pure and deep as King Alexander's and Hephaistion's.

-.-.-.-.-.-.-

"_All I want is you" _Hephaistion whispered in Alexander's ear when he finally fell asleep. He brushed his tangly gold locks from Alexander's shoulder and kissed it. He was so warm and gentle; it was hard to believe this was the same boy who only a minute or so ago was threatening to hurt him.

"_You would never hurt me… not intentionally" _Hephaistion said sleepily, and closed his eyes.

Alexander listened to Hephaistion murmur in his ear with deep satisfaction. He had found his life's companion and his greatest truest friend. He stroked Hephaistion's hand that was wrapped tightly around his waist, and thought of nothing bout how beautiful and how meaningful it was to have someone love him for who he was and not what.

"All_ I want and have is you" _Alexander whispered to himself, as he allowed his sleepy, swollen eyes to close again. Only this time his father's face did not appear, only the soothing touch of Hephaistion's hand on his, his gentle raspy breathing on his back calmed his nerves and made him feel he had conquered the world.

And in that moment Alexander had, he really had.


End file.
